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Doing Wrong And Getting Away From It

As you can probably already see, I'm 13 years old. You would probably think a 13 year old wouldn't be able to be this bad, but, I am. I'm not sure if I'm proud of it. Anyways, it started when I began playing an online game called RuneScape. You can chat other people and add friends. I think I was about nine and this boy I met kept telling me to pleasure myself and to sext with him. I wasn't quite sure what he meant, but I started to do it. He told me to finger myself, and I did. It felt kind of good, so I started watching ****. Even though that boy never even met me, somehow, somewhere I felt like it was a kind of rape. Another boy I met on the game told me I was going to be his wife and have his children. When I had his children, he was going to kill them and put their blood in a tub and drown me in it. It was very tramuatic. My mom then found out that I was somehow 'sexually' active on there and I was grounded for four months and was told never to get on that game again. But there was people who were honestly my best friends on there. I never could talk to my friends in real life about stuff I could tell them. It was less stressfull to type it than to choke yourself up trying to say it face to face. I kept getting on the game with a computer in my room, because I really cared for some of the people. Right now I have a boyfriend from that game. We text, skype, and facebook all of the time and he is one year older than me. I feel he really loves me, or else we would not have been in a three year long distance relationship I suppose. At this time I been turning atheist from origanally Baptist. I began cutting myself, I think it was because I felt dirty inside and I wanted to clean myself out by losing blood. Or maybe I felt I was worthless and my physical appearance was too. My brother noticed the cuts about 4 months into it and my parents did nothing about it. I think they should have done something, but now that im older, I feel like I needed to mature and find my way out of this by myself. Until a few weeks ago when my boyfriend Austin told me to stop, I was cutting, burning, and taking lots of pills behind my parents back. I have not cut/burned in two months, I am very proud and I want to stay to this. Its so much more healthier for my state of mind. I turned back to Jesus about a week ago and have already found closure, safety, and reassurance in him. He loves me very much and I know it hurt him to watch me to that stuff to me. I no longer get on that game and talk to people, if someone on there was important to me I gave them my number or email if they wanted to speak. If you are going through anything right now, I will be happy to talk and try to give you some comfort through anything.
Lynnboo Lynnboo 13-15, F 4 Responses Sep 2, 2012

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Hang in there. At your age your searching for who you are. It takes time. You probably won't begin to figure it out until your in your 20s. In the mean time have fun and don't hurt yourself. You will make mistakes but you'll learn to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on. Remember, don't beat yourself up over mistakes. Good luck to you. Enjoy life.

what an experience!

Happy you are feeling better :)

Very good story I"m sure you can help other girls your age going through something simular to this in their life.