Doing Wrong And Getting Away From It

As you can probably already see, I'm 13 years old. You would probably think a 13 year old wouldn't be able to be this bad, but, I am. I'm not sure if I'm proud of it. Anyways, it started when I began playing an online game called RuneScape. You can chat other people and add friends. I think I was about nine and this boy I met kept telling me to pleasure myself and to sext with him. I wasn't quite sure what he meant, but I started to do it. He told me to finger myself, and I did. It felt kind of good, so I started watching ****. Even though that boy never even met me, somehow, somewhere I felt like it was a kind of rape. Another boy I met on the game told me I was going to be his wife and have his children. When I had his children, he was going to kill them and put their blood in a tub and drown me in it. It was very tramuatic. My mom then found out that I was somehow 'sexually' active on there and I was grounded for four months and was told never to get on that game again. But there was people who were honestly my best friends on there. I never could talk to my friends in real life about stuff I could tell them. It was less stressfull to type it than to choke yourself up trying to say it face to face. I kept getting on the game with a computer in my room, because I really cared for some of the people. Right now I have a boyfriend from that game. We text, skype, and facebook all of the time and he is one year older than me. I feel he really loves me, or else we would not have been in a three year long distance relationship I suppose. At this time I been turning atheist from origanally Baptist. I began cutting myself, I think it was because I felt dirty inside and I wanted to clean myself out by losing blood. Or maybe I felt I was worthless and my physical appearance was too. My brother noticed the cuts about 4 months into it and my parents did nothing about it. I think they should have done something, but now that im older, I feel like I needed to mature and find my way out of this by myself. Until a few weeks ago when my boyfriend Austin told me to stop, I was cutting, burning, and taking lots of pills behind my parents back. I have not cut/burned in two months, I am very proud and I want to stay to this. Its so much more healthier for my state of mind. I turned back to Jesus about a week ago and have already found closure, safety, and reassurance in him. He loves me very much and I know it hurt him to watch me to that stuff to me. I no longer get on that game and talk to people, if someone on there was important to me I gave them my number or email if they wanted to speak. If you are going through anything right now, I will be happy to talk and try to give you some comfort through anything.
Lynnboo Lynnboo
13-15, F
3 Responses Sep 2, 2012

what an experience!

Happy you are feeling better :)

Very good story I"m sure you can help other girls your age going through something simular to this in their life.