I Feel Guilty

I am selfish. I don't love anybody properly. I am full of anger. I am lazy. I am not nice. I don't have nice thoughts or feelings about anything or anybody. I do bad things. I like bad things. I FEEL guilty about them. I want to DO them again.
unAmigo unAmigo
41-45, M
4 Responses Nov 15, 2012

What do you mean by you do not love anybody properly? love is love. We all can be jerks to one another sometimes, the important thing is that we feel regret when we do those bad things. it sounds like you have regret which is normal. We all want to make selfish decisions and most of us do this very often. What kind of bad stuff do you mean? you can pm me if you want.

Do you still feel this way? I suggest talking about it to someone who's willing to listen to you, apparently there is a lot of inner turmoil or something unresolved/unforgiven in your past.

My father was an alcoholic and my mother and brother have low empathy. Mabey that is what drives these feelings.

That makes sense, but you shouldn't reciprocate those same negative feelings upon yourself just because they're being negative, its not healthy and does no one any good. Just try to keep a balance of emotions with yourself otherwise you'll burn out or just become consumed in your own apathy. How do you try to keep positive if you've given it a thought or two? What makes you happy?

I find this life, this path very very difficult. I think I am just numb but want to die. I have no idea how to solve this. Every night I go to sleep I am with this negative monster that just eats my soul and every morning I wake up I think, I want to die.

PM me.

1 More Response

Well, you are correct. Like I don't feel I deserve better. I wish I could love better and feel better about the people in my life. It's just very hard because I don't feel well physicaly or mentaly. Thank you for your support!

Maybe your need for "bad things" is somehow fueled by your guilt. A wish to be depraved, to be dangerous and evil... Maybe your guilt is the confirmation that you indeed are doing evil, bad things, that you are indeed adhering to that wish for depravity...