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My Friend Took His Own Life

Summer two years ago I was on vication at a old place where I used to live. Going there was my highlight of the year when I got summer vication. It was all just free days hanging with my old best friends by the lake and just relax and talk.

One day I was on vication I got a phonecall from my mother, she asked me if it was (lets call him Joey johnson) Joey Johnson I used to hang out with a year ago. I replied yes and got some TERRIBLE news.

Im coming back to that, but first some backround story about me and joey.
He was one year older than me and I first go to know him trough another friend. We were like the 3 amigos we did everything togheter.
Then the other friend of mine moved away so I kinda lost touch with him and so did Joey.

Joey started doing drugs and became depressed more and more over time.
I tried to help him and talk him trough it, but he never listened to me and I simply got sick of being ignored because I had some experienced with this when it came to my brother (that story you can find on my profile).

But yet he ignored everything I said and continued doing drugs and he just blocked himself in and didn't even talk to his family.
I started to become really annoyed at him because of his behaviour. He wouldn't tell me what was bothering him because I sensed it was more than just the drugs.

But slowly I lost more and more touch with him. I simply got sick of talking to a high person that didn't even look at me or hear me when I talked to him. So it just ended up us not talking anymore.

*Back to the phone call from my mother*
She gave me some news I couldn't belive I was hearing.
He had jumped infront of a train at the train station.
This killed him ofcourse and I started feeling terribly guilty for "Giving up" on him.
There was more I could do to help him, but I let my anger towards him ignoring me get infront of what the problem was.

I just wish I could tell him how I felt and say the right words he needed to hear that last day.
AndYes AndYes 18-21, M 1 Response Dec 9, 2012

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I am sorry that you lost your friend. I think that all of us struggle with the fact that many times our desires aren't met, that we didn't ask to exist and have to adapt to a body, mind, and world we didn't choose for ourselves. Sadly people have us around depending on how pleasing we are to their senses, and many times this makes us feel empty or as if we are only loved for our function. So we seek outlets such as drugs and other things to numb our mind. It's a sad situation, and I think we all struggle with this. I am sorry you had to experience this second hand from someone close to your heart.

Thank you for taking time reading it and for the support:)
I appriciate it :)