I feel like I'm the only EP member who has ever done anything bad that's really worth feeling guilty for. I said things to my older sister that I shouldn't have. My sister was talking about something that gave me the impression that I was dumber and inferior than she was, and out of an outburst of emotions, I told her that she was ugly in hopes that her condescending mindset would go away. It was when I was a kid, about 10 or 11 years old, and it made me feel great at first. Now, it has been years since I said it and I feel terrible guilt. I can't live with myself. I haven't been truly happy and stress-free in months. Every time I feel good about something, I just think, "Wait until the world kicks you off your feet again. Things this good don't happen to bad people." Guilt is the first emotion I feel every morning I wake up. I have a voice in my head that tells me to cause myself the pain I have caused everyone else. The funny thing is that my sister insulted me many more times than I insulted her, but I feel like I'm the bad guy. I have accepted that I'm going to live a horrible life just because of one mistake I made as a stupid, insecure preteen.
AlpineBeast AlpineBeast
18-21, F
Aug 31, 2014