I Feel Guilty About Being Hiv Negative!!

I am a ***** in recovery.I am a **** ,***** ,chickenhead jumpoff watever you call it well atleast I was until I became a mother and a wife. I tried to convince myself that I was sexually liberated and that in fact I was the one using the men for my needs but in all reality by having unprotected sex numerous times with numerous partners I was the one being used mentally and physically.Im 23 started screwing at 15.I met him off a phone chatline he was 20 something. It happened it hurt I cried I wanted to die but after that it became easier and easier to give it away. So there were the one night stands, The guys away at college The so called boyfriends that never really went anywhere.The two abortions.

My life really sucked .Then I met a man got pregnant and kicked out of my moms house kept the baby stayed with him and have been in recovery ever since.I got tested for HIV when i thought i would join the military came out negative got tested again in april pregnant with my second child negative again.Now tested July 22 negative again. Im suppose to be happy but I feel shi*ty what about all those woman who had sex with one man and got screwed or husbands cheated on them with other men and contracted HIV .The rape victims who did nothing wrong I got a second chance and lord knows im oh so grateful but I cant help but to feel gulty for being HIV Negative.

velle201 velle201
4 Responses Aug 9, 2009

although your story honestly about made me puke. it is a miracle and hope u decide to keep your legs closed...ehh

What a blessing! Thank God for saving you and make a difference in your life and your family, live for God.<br />
i know a friend whos fiance' infected her knowingly ...believe me its tough !!! <br />
praise God and do not entertain the guilty thoughts!

Do you feel guilty because perhaps you dont think you deserve this lucky break? ... seems to me from your history you've dodged a bullet and about time things started going your way. Seems well deserved.

I don't know how spiritual you are but did you ever think that despite what you have done GOD has greater plans for you and he wants/needs to keep you around for your family and other things you'll do in life later. Your life may be bigger than you.