I Feel Guilty
Hello, I live in Mexico and I'm a 31 y.o. single woman. I feel, guilty, confused and sad very often and that is making me that I don't know what I want anymore. I've been in and out of relationships but most of them haven't last very long. I spent couple of years alone and I thought I was happy like that. 3 years ago, I reencountered a guy which I met in a trip to in my earlies 20's. He was living in Spain. We started chatting and I was very excited. I thought it was destiny and all this romantic stuff. He was telling me he was coming to visit me but months passed and I finally ended going to Spain. I created my perfect dream with him and when finally he got to Mexico, we started living together realizing that we didnt know each other at all. There was a lot of fights because I found some hidden truths of his past life and the way he ended up with his ex. I couldnt get over it. I learned to love other things about him but always expected that I could change his flaws. But I couldn't. We cannot communicate and we ended always blaming each other for the lack of success in this. He moved out of the apartment but we are sharing a business. I live in a small place so is difficult because I feel bad if I go out with other guys. Now I have an invitation to Miami which I was debating to accept because I didnt want to hurt his feelings and I'm always afraid that I can regret and it could be late. I know is a mistake to think we can change people. I tried to talk to him about all my confusion but of course he feels rejected and I hate thinking I make someone sad. And of course there's always the hope that something will change. I feel guilty, I feel always I need to give more and always putting the blame in myself. I feel guilty of not defining my feelings.