Why Not?

Hey all. So yeah, I feel I need to prove myself to people all the time. I only really realised this after a few friends pointed out some of my personality quirks.

1) I always want to be seen as a badass. Or as my friend put it, "You're like a little puppy who wants to be a wolf." She meant it as a compliment, but it was annoyingly true. I want to have the responsibility or have people know that I'm calm, cool and dependable in a tight spot.

2) My ideas of how to do this don't really work. Talking to another friend about being rejected by a girl I rather liked and we got into talking about my previous relationships, break-ups and such. To paraphrase him, I have the idea that to be a real man I have to be stoic when dealing with my failure, take it on the chin and don't express myself. That's part of the whole "badass" thing. Calm and cool. Though he was right in saying that I'm just cutting myself off from my emotional needs and not proving anything but making me look emotionally dead.

So yeah. I don't see much of a huge problem, but I figure I should deal with these problems in the new year. It just seems to me that I want respect but I don't see myself as a person worthy of respect. I just seem to put people down to recompense for this and generally act the bastard. Not that I see that as bad, my friends find it funny so I don't really intend to change that. But a lot of my friends think I should take on my demons and what-not, and who doesn't respect a guy who's mastered himself? :P
Todyo Todyo
18-21, M
Jan 7, 2013