Can Any1 Relate? Advice? Something?

i just turned 22 and have nothing to show for it...i barely got out of high school i never learned to ride a bike, swim, skate, only have 1 friend (we've drifted apart) never got invited to anything parties etc. no so good at sports or never got involved in clubs now i've been working dead end job after dead end job still living at my moms house i hate my father (to a point where its homicidal) he is a coward and pathetic man almost 50 never had a career and constantly unemployed put all the load on my mom and still enthusiastically watches cartoons and comics like a 10 years old he who was hardly there shaped and molded me to be just like him ( i was just a dumb naive kid happy to see dad before realizing what he was about.  When i took up and interest in drawing he never supported me saying very discouraging things. i took up a serious interest in basketball he would exclaim how sports aren't all that and kept me away from it. He would show up for a month then disappear for 5 show up for a weekend disappear for  5 more months. my sister had 3 kids at 19 my 1st nephew was born when i was 10 so most of my adolescence was being a helping hand with them till i was almost done with high school not much time for friends or whatever i had a part-time job to say the least. I expressed interest in my mother that i wanted to play basketball but she stressed that i couldn't quit she never believed in me. i thought my purpose was taking care of my nephews but my father practically brainwashed my mother into staying around so he took that job from me now while he still gets to proudly get an unemployment check and watch cartoons all day. I have no talents or skills the only thing i felt i was good at now is rolling up a joint. i've had an alcohol and marijuana problem since i was 12. i figure that since i never learned to ride a bike etc. whats the point in stopping now. i'm just dead  inside. i feel so disconnected from this world and socially cripple my life has been a pathetic disaster. whats makes it even worse is that my mother and father are giving my nephews the life me i never really had... sports, a good school, going on school trips and events its all getting thrown in my face support and encouragement . i always wanted to be a basketball player....what i wanted to do with my life has passed me by and looking back my life was a waste. i'm tired of living and if nothing changes in the next year or two i'm gonna just kill myself because i don't any point in going on anymore may i'll get a chance to start over. i guess i believe in god but honestly the only way to find who was right or wrong about religion it when we're dead  i kno i'd probably be better of gone now i just a waste of everyone time and space my existence has evolved into a burden i wish i knew what happens at death i wanna get life over with...but then again i have no 2 blame for my problems but myself death is becoming more an more of the solution to me
sombresullen sombresullen
May 10, 2012