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I Long To Feel Whole

Sometime during the tender age of 16, I began longing for the day where I would find the woman whom which I could call my own and spend the rest of my life with. This feeling was brought on by the realization that, even though I did not have good upbringings, I did not want to be a copy of my "nurture" per say. I wanted to be the best man I could possibly be with the right (and equally great) woman by my side. With that woman, I then wanted to have a child who we would raise to be a very loving, earnest and strong minded individual. My ideal family. It is only then that my maximum potential for being that man who I ultimately want to be can be achieved. More than anything, right now I feel as if I am missing a "heart".

I am now 21 years of age and must say that days that have gone by where I haven't though about finding such a woman have been few and far between. Since I'm built like Fort Knox emotionally, I do not image that anyone I really know, person to person, will ever realize how much this has really affected me. There is truly nothing that I want more in life than to feel whole. As cliche as this may sound, it is as if a large part of my being has been missing throughout my entire existence. How can I ever truly be happy in my life when I am currently going about it without such a significant piece by my side?

I waited until I was 20 years old to focus on my own self-development and trying to figure out exactly the kind of man I want to be in life. After that, because of a job opportunity which corroborates my values, I waited another year as such a job would require me to relocate significantly. I knew that if I found that woman, I would never leave her for anything so material. Unfortunately, after being active in a 1.5 year hiring process, I was not chosen to proceed any further. I image it was due to my young age and nothing more. In any event, I find myself another year older and hurting more than ever.

I tend to find women several years older than me far more suitable for my needs. That being said, I do not wish to involve myself with a woman who is more than three years my elder. Reason being, I feel as if it is somewhat unfair that they have gone about their lives for several years longer than I have mine. In essence, I would want to have been with her for those years, yet I will never be able to and will forever long for those years that I wasn't in her life. That being said, I have an extremely hard time finding women my age suitable. If anything, they are rather repulsive. I do not ask much of another. I simply ask that she truly exemplifies what it means to be an earnest person and is able to see the world as being more than that of her own benefit. As well, with all her being, she must be able love me as much as I know I would her.

That shall be all for now.

Thanks for reading!

Enjoy this song which comes directly from my extensive library of Lover`s Rock (Reggae)
Earnestlyhere Earnestlyhere 22-25, M Jan 26, 2013

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