What's Wrong With Me?

I feel like something is wrong with me, I've tried to ignore it for some time now but I just can't anymore. I'm still young, just 18 years old, but a lot of the time I just feel so unhappy.

On the surface I seem to have a great life.  I have a great family, my parents are still together, and I have a 23 year old sister who's already very successful and living on her own.  As for me I'm attend college and do very well.  I'm also in great shape, goodlooking and healthy.  Plus, I've had a steady boyfriend for 2 years now.

My boyfriend and I used to be together before the 2 years but unoffically. During that time he got with a few other girls and it really ruined a lot of abilities to trust.  Then during our relationship there was a few times he slipped up but now he's changed and he assures me nothing would ever happen again, which I believe, but still sometimes when he's out and drunk I worry a little.  I feel like I just have these huge trust issues now.  It hurts him when I show signs of not trusting him but I feel like I have a right to worry considering the past.  Don't get me wrong, I love my boyfriend more than anything, he's my best friend and he feels the same for me.  I just don't want to worry anymore, but I don't know how to make that happen.  I guess that's my first problem.

Secondly, I literally feel like I have no friends.  It's not because I'm always with my boyfriend or anything like that but because I have a lot of trust issues because of past friends.  All the best friends I've had in my life have stabbed me in the back, now I just feel like I can't open up to anyone.  I just kind of stopped trying to keep hanging out with people and stuff because as much effort as I put forth to keep up the relationship it's never recipricated.  I just kind of ran out of energy trying to make other friendships work because I just feel like nobody really likes me or cares if I'm around and if they do it'll just be temporary just like my best friends in my past.

Also because of my lack of friends, unless I go out with my boyfriend, I never get to really go out and party and have teenage adventures, I feel like I have no memories, like despite all my efforts, I never have anything to do.

I just feel like somethings wrong with me.  Why can't I trust anyone? Why does no one seem to want to be around me? I feel like my life is so incomplete, like I'm missing out on my teen years of having fun.  I don't want to grow up and look back and feel regret and wish I lived my life differently, I have to make a change but I don't know what else I could do.  How can I fix these things?

Any advice at all would be very much appreciated!

AshleyRae AshleyRae
18-21, F
2 Responses Jan 3, 2010

life is not easy. i think you are aware of your problem but havent got what it takes to grow. you need to grow, learn, desire, succeed, dream. to get what you need to grow you must be curious, focused, and determined. <br />
those i the best words i can think of to help you. GOOD LUCK!

Trust needs to be earned. True Friends are rare. I'm not sure what to recommend in regards your boyfriend. A relationship requires trust and commitment. He certainly should understand if you have trust issues with him. You can't just ignore what he has done before and if they really care/respect/love you they need to be in tune with that and be doing all they can to rebuild that trust. <br />
<br />
One thing he could possibly do is stop drinking if he is not with you. Is that too much to ask if he loves you? I don't think so. <br />
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Best Wishes! Mel