I Need To Change

I am so unhappy with myself. So totally and completely unhappy with my life and the way i live it..those of you reading this, please continue to read and then leave your comments below...i am desperate for advice and some sort of guidance. I just dont know what to do..thats my main problem..i dont know WHAT to do to fix this..im not even sure i know what exactly is wrong with me. all i know is that each day i wake up angrier and angrier because i dont know how to fix my problems. I am so insecure...thats predominantly whats wrong me..i have immense, deep seated insecurities..i dont know where they came from or what i can do to fix them but they're there and they're killing me. funny this is, ive never been through anything traumatic in life..there's nothing monumentally wrong..but i still feel this way. which just makes me feel worse. My insecurities are getting worse day by day. I feel ignored and rejected by everyone around me..i feel like im invisible and that no one talks to me or looks at me..i feel unpopular..i feel like im just not important. i constantly get mad at people because i feel like they're ignoring me and ive ruined so many of my friendships because of this. i always run after other people's approval..their praise means everything to me...i feel like i have so many faults and that im the worst person in the world. I used to write but ive lost my confidence and i just dont feel like i can do it anymore. anything i do, like interning somewhere, just doesnt make me happy because i always feel so stupid. i honestly feel like i have no knowledge about anything. i feel so ignorant and unintelligent..i want to fix this so bad. how do i feel good about myself? Anything i attempt in my life just doesnt satisfy me because my insecurities get in the way...i fell like ill fail or im not doing as good as some other person..and i have such incredible anger issues. i snap at everyone around me and that makes me feel so terrible all the time..i say such bitter hurtful things but i dont know how to stop..i think negatively about everyone in my life..i get so annoyed so easily and then i say something in retaliation and then i worry that person's mad at me...its the same pattern over and over again...how can i stop doing this? i hate being so angry and petty. deep inside, im a nicer person..i like beauty and happiness and loving people but EVERYTHING like my frustration and anger just makes me forget all of that...i dont know how to bring that side of me out..i deal with anger in such an unhealthy way...i hold on to it and keep thinking about it till it makes me madder. i can be vengeful and catty. how do i change this viscous way of thinking? its so toxic to me...but i dont know what to do about. please someone recognize whats wrong with me and how i can make it better
redtoshiba redtoshiba
18-21, F
6 Responses May 6, 2012

hello.. ok im here for you so lets chat? write back and add me too ok? where are u from ??

I think you're just more of an emotional rather than a logical person - that doesn't make you any less intelligent. In fact, you are quite intelligent for recognizing the faults and the positive aspects of your own personality. Not many people can do that. Since you know these things, try to stay light-hearted and stop blaming yourself for feeling angry. I mean, everybody feels angry at times. You can control how you deal with your anger...so just be understanding with yourself and everything will work out. I believe you are a kind person inside, and totally capable of being well-liked but the key to that is, you have to like yourself first. So do things that you are proud of...and as soon as you get to doing more and more of those things, other people will see your positivity shine through. I hope this helps.

im in many ways the same, i used to cut myself cut it took my mind off of everything but thats not helping anyone so i stopped cuz all i want in life is to help people to the best of my ability, if i just listen to music it will help sometimes but what really helps me is nature, if im in nature it feels like all the bad energy is sucked outta me and i feel somewhat at peace, i just listen to my ipod while sitting in my tree out side my house (since thats the only nature like place near my house) and it will help me, just think of what u really want outta life then try to figure out what u can do, i havent figured out what i can do yet to help ppl, not much u CAN do at 13 which is part of the reason im always so frustrated and upset behind my smile, so yea find what keeps u going in life aka what u want outta life and when u get angry find what helps u calm down without bothering other ppl like i just walk away and find a tree or music or something, good luck

oh yea and another reason im like that is cuz i see how negative other ppl r so whenever someone says something negative i think of something positive about the thing they said something negative about and tell them, they usually dont answer or say "yeah true" but it still gives u something good to look at in life

and i also write and express how i feel in my writing, i think thats what u gotta do it does help it feels like theres someone else out there that feels how u do even if they r just some words on a piece of paper

I think, you just know this world better tnan other people, that is why you are so unhappy. You are great person with deep soul. And it is great. you have to proud yourself. and stay the same, just be yourself. happiness will come, but do not change yourself!!!!!

I feel as if the person who posted before me is correct in the possibility that you have depression. I think seeing a specialist on the matter would help, and you might have anxiety as well. Anxiety and Depression go hand in hand (I should know, I have both) and are difficult, however entirely possible to overcome.

Just reading through your story, and I can see that you are so much inside, and that needs to come out in some way, yours in anger and frustration and how you think people see you, but they probably don't, they just want to help and much as you need the help right now, but because of this black cloud that is over you you can't see. I can reconise this as I have been there to and its self detruction and its not a nice place to be, You are not going to like this, but you need to go to the doctors now as they will give you the help and support that you need right now, you really need this badly hun. I believe you have depression, because what you are saying is llike I felt, now Im on anti- depressants and have counselling and thats what is getting me through this dark hole, black cloud, call it what you want it still the same thing hun. Im there for you if you need me.