I Am Not Getting Younger

I am 34, actually I will be turning 35 soon. I am not married (never have been) and I don't have any children. I have never been the type of person to plan out my life and set goals and work hard towards achieving those goals. I have just lived day by day, floating along wherever life takes me. And that was all well and good when I was younger. But now that I am getting older I have been thinking I need to realize what I want out of life. Do I want to have children? I am scared to wake up one day when it is too late and regret not having any children. But then again I don't want to rush into it for the wrong reasons. I guess the reason I started really thinking about this is because I spoke to my ex-fiance's mother the other day. I was with him for seven years. I hadn't talked to his mom in like three years so I figured I would call to see how she was doing. I didn't bring him up in our conversation at all and wasn't going to, but she did. She told me he was married and just had a little baby boy. I don't have any feelings for him anymore, but I would be lying if I said that it didn't hurt a bit when I heard this. I don't understand why I haven't gotten married yet. Like I said when I was with my ex we were engaged but there was never any real effort on his part to take that next step with me. And now I am in a relationship with someone who is divorced, he was married once. I have been with him for over four years now. And I feel like I am headed in the same direction with him as I was with my ex. No marriage in my future. It seems like I am good enough for them to live with me but not good enough to be their wife. I don't understand. I have been told that if it is meant to be it will be. But what worries me is that if I am to have kids, I don't want to be an old mother where I can't fully enjoy my kid's because I am too tired and can't keep up with them. I want to be able to enjoy them to the fullest extent and have them enjoy being with me. Well that is about it, I am glad I was able to vent. Thanks for listening.
brzl07 brzl07
31-35, F
6 Responses May 9, 2007

You are far better off to have kids late than with the wrong person. Having kids can put a lot of strain on a relationship at times. I got married late and waited to have kids too. The relationship is dead, but I stay to be sure I have at least some input with the kids. If you have kids with the wrong person, it can poison your emotions and feelings. There is always a danger that this will transfer to the kids.

i feel like i've made some of the same mistakes. not having any real goals or did any planning, just taking the days as they came.

I am in some ways in the same type of situation only I have two children and have been with their father for 9 years. I feel as though I don't want to give my family up, but he has made no real plans of marrying me. We even still have relationship problems. I don't want to end up old and still unmarried. I’m a very attractive woman with many options and wonder if I’m just spending time on a loss cause. Of course he always says that it's financially not right. I'm getting to the point I don't even know if I want to marry him. I'm scared of going through the initial break-up because we have been together for 9 years and its going to hurt me bad.

Hello. We are the same age. I have children but have not married my children's father. I do love him, I just don't think he respects me enough or has made the necessary changes I want him to, yet. I refuse to accept his proposals for marriage and he has been asking me for many years now. <br />
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I don't regret not being married, although it's my children that make my life wonderful. Each child with their differing points of view and personalities. I wish that you will be able to experience the complexities of motherhood. By all means though, do not do it just do it.<br />
You should definitely consider kicking this current guy to the curb, unless you are totally in love with him. Give him an ultimatum, express your feelings and see what he has to say. Maybe he wants children as well. You may be surprised!

Well, do you even want to get married??? If you do you should ask whoever your with if he feels the same way and if he doesn't and it's important to you move on. But it doesn't sound to me like that's what you really want. I could be wrong but it sounds like your just feeling like you SHOULD have some kind of life plan. And your life plan SHOULD involve marriage and kids, but why? You don't need a plan for life and you certainly don't have to get married and have kids. I think that your way of living day to day is great, you get the most out of life that way! And if I was you, I wouldn't worry so much about time, that will only pressure you into making a decision that maybe you weren't ready for. If you decide to have kids at 50, things will just work out because you didn't rush into anything!<br />
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Take Care

hey i felted that way about my life at the age of 40 i felted like<br />
i would never get married and guess what i did i marryed the love of my life now iam 43 , i wished donald and i could have a baby together but i do have my wonderful daughter torrie <br />
14 but life is good and iam very happy ! chear up things will get better just when you stop looking it will find you dont give up!