Especially Right NowYes I am a selfish, controlling *****. He has never learned to live up to my standards, i found someone who has gone far beyond my standard, who im just now realizing is perfect for me.
My ex and I were talking through AIM tonight and we got into a huge fight, its almost as if I want him to be better then my current boyfriend. All of the sudden, with in the last few months, ive started to hate everything about my ex and i seem to be pushing him to be more like my current boyfriend. Now im confused because I love my current boyfriend so much and would never leave him but here i am trying to make my ex better then him. There is something about my ex that just draws me to him, im not sure what it is anymore though but whatever it is its still there. Maybe its just cause he was my first and thats impossible to let go of, i dont know. But what i do know is I just said some really mean **** to him and i feel so bad about it.
I told him i felt really bad about it and that im crying. I apologized for using him as a punching bag. I just cant stop crying over it.