Got My Running Shoes On...

i couldn´t be any more bored.  one week after arriving in Spain i started looking for work.  i´ve found some, having conversation classes with some adults, a few private lessons with some wealthy children, substitute teaching work here and there... but since i´m illegal and can´t get a work permit i find myself wandering the world wide web.  add to that the fact that the weather here is absurd - there was a cyclone last week and i haven´t seen the sun yet- so i´m less than tempted to venture out.  so here i am, talking to you strange internet universe, and wondering what Albania would be like.

i have no particular draw to Albania.  i didn´t dream about it as a child, i don´t have a grandpa who used to call it home or a friend who motorbiked through it on a great european adventure and found a little piece of heaven. no, i have no connection to Albania.  but i did find a job there, in a place where they don´t care if im an illeagl worker, and it pays pretty darn well in a time with little money in my pocket.  so off i go?

but i came here for ivan.  i tell myself i didn´t really, that i came here to perfect my spanish and that a possible relationship with this person i met over a year and a half ago as a wandered around south america was just a glimmer of hope, just a random byproduct of my oh-so-substantial desire to become bi-lingual...

is that why im so bored when he´s not here?

he doesn´t have a legit job either, actually none.  but he does have a community of friends and family to turn to and be with, and he´s an activist, always running around doing all sorts of magnaminous things for the world.  i could go with, and i have, but considering the language barrier i feel less a participant and more an accessory, the type of woman i´d always professed i would never be, the one who stands silently by her man´s side while he does the talking and she does the smiling and she slowly chokes inside.

so i escape!!   oh the horrible freedom of internet land!  another world of listeners and doers and communites untapped.  lonely souls and excited souls waiting and ready to devour any and all of my fantastic, thrill-a-minute stories! or not, maybe they´ll just be read, glossed over like yesterday´s news, quickly put aside and forgotten like that Albanian motorbike i never rode.

 

meeeese meeeese
31-35
2 Responses Feb 19, 2009

"the type of woman i´d always professed i would never be, the one who stands silently by her man´s side while he does the talking and she does the smiling and she slowly chokes inside."<br />
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please don't do that. I did that for a long time (well it felt like an eternity). You seem like such a lovely and vibrant woman please god don't do that to yourself. because you die inside each day you die a little more.

Read your message just by chance. God bless you, dear.