Losing My Sense Of Humor

Everyday is the same.Im young with no plans.What can be worst alot more can be.I mean no ambtion in my head I want succes and happiness who doesn't right??....Never had any real thought about what I want for my life.I graduated from highschool 2 years ago and I'm turnign 20 yrsold this March.Nervous about facing another new decade of life and more is expcected from me but I feel the same mentailly like I havent grown up at all threw high school besides a few big incidents that shaped me now.No social exceptions to look forward no fun plans I dont have any friends never had a girlfriend.So that cuts out over a chunk of my young feeling free freedom there.I'm looking forward to going to Job Corps people say its bad but I have no other choice in life.Besides staying up late waking up late in the day cooking my dinner wacthing/video games and ofcourse EP.I think I have social anxiety I want to beat it head on no medications if thats possiable.I havent been to church in a while my family is relgious so am I dont know why I stopped.The way I feel about myself is confusing I know if I had a reason to I'd feel good but it just seems as thought no job is right for me or I feel not right for it I dont want anything simple.As for my lifestyle I dont want a simple life style but I'll be happy with that b/c now my lifestyle is less than simple its sad.I feel like less of a man I dont work I could work and have.My social skills and confindence plays a part on the job and its devasting I guess you could say everyday is a war or a battle when it should just be another day at work.Like as though normal everyday hard life is ten fold in situation.I'm only 19 and it seems daugting to leave my house with this around me not to mention be social and have fun being myself I cant take it most days so I stay in my room without bothering to wash my face sometimes till I cant take the upper lip smell.I have ity for myself which hurts worse t.v. is good for a distraction.I pray job corps can be the tool I need and I want be lonly without any friends and well have more ment ambition to stay and to get things down and improve my life.
deleted deleted
26-30
Sep 24, 2012