Never Got To Be A Kid

im a 25 year old guy,am indian..i really dont remember ever being a child.Had to grow up real family was broke,that meant no birthdays ,no gifts ,no cake,i did not even have toys to play the time i was 11 when other kids were out there being ..well i was busy thinking up schemes to make money so i could maybe make my family happy and they would start loving me..i was neglected to such an extent that one day at school when my friend's dad gave me a friendly hug ,i fainted ,cause i had been craving attention for such a long time..i was 10 at the time,also was physically abused at home on a daily basis.then at age 12 through 14 i was sexually abused ,then came the drugs,crime(hooch smuggling,weed and brown distribution,loan shark,hired thug)violence,lots and lots of violence..i was a pretty good free style martial artist and wasnt shy to use my skills..all this by the age of 17-18,by that time i had become too hot for my lil indian costal town..then i moved to a bigger city started learning 3d animation,i was always a artiste at heart but life had other plans,and now when i look back i dont know what to do,i really want to know what it means to be a kid at least for a little be told whats right ,whats be guided.loved..and for once be treated like a kid ,that i know ,even after all i've gone through, i still know that lil boy is still in here somewhere and i fell him curled up in the corner just waiting for someone to hold him and say ''everythings gonna be here''. .
infernorai infernorai
22-25, M
1 Response Dec 14, 2012

I know what you mean, feeling the little boy inside you just wanting to be loved. I regress to childhood because I spent mine as a "female". I'm not though, i am a boy I always have been. My mom didn't want to have me, and I've always been so different Ive always been an embarrassment to her. Never could get her to be proud of me.

My ex used to nurse me, and tell me I was a good boy. The first time she told me, "good boy" I almost passed out and couldnt stop crying. She would stroke my hair and tell me I was a good boy, and everything was going to be ok, and its exactly what I've been needing my whole life. I would just lay there and suck her ******* till I passed out.