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I Feel Like a Loser

Every Day Is Worse Than The Last

By: el17el
Written on September 26th, 2011
Today: I am a college graduate $30k in debt and can't get a job due to being a felony drunk driver. I drank to make friends and fit in, and once people realized I am a criminal, they run the other direction and alienate me. I have a minimum wage job for 10 hrs a week and rely on my using alcoholic boyfriend to provide necesseties for me- food and shelter- all while living with his mother who is dying of cancer and listen to them baby talk eachother. I have gotten 50 rejection letters in the last 2 months, and even fired b4 starting the first day. I don't think I'm worthy of anything better so I don't try anymore. I also put on 40 lbs of depression weight in the past year. I despise the way corporate america controls everything and social media encourages the world to be fake in personality and experience. I try to help others and that gets misunderstood as being a hinderance. I can't do anything right anymore.
By: el17el
Age: 26-30 , Female
1,257 people have read this story

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4 responses
  • killme89
    killme89

    hey...m so sorry to read abt u....but just wanted to tell u dat u rnt alone.....hav lost faith in god so vont tell u to hav faith in him too...but just wanted to say again dat u rnt alone....whos rotting in dis hellish world

    Jun 24, 2012
    1 like
  • tdurden14
    tdurden14

    OMG! i can totally relate to you. I got kicked out of a amazing BSN program because of my felony dui which involved an accident. Luckily the person i hit didnt get hurt, but this situation has ruined my life. The love of my life broke up with me, I moved back in with my parents, i cant find a decent job and im going to college and working towards a degree that i hate. Im having a hearing to lower the charges but my chances are not looking to good. I honestly look forward to sleeping bc i dont have to think about how unhappy i am. This was my only criminal offense yet in the eyes of the law i am seen as a felon.

    Oct 24, 2011
    1 like
  • eudoxia1
    eudoxia1

    I really feel for you. Please don't label yourself as a "criminal" though. We've all made mistakes and a huge number of people have made the same particular mistake that you did and just didn't get caught. You sound like a really decent person and you've had some bad breaks and are in a bad living environment. Applying for jobs can be so debasing. If nobody will hire you, is there any way you can start a small business? something that takes little or no cash to start up? (like walking dogs, cleaning houses, pet sitting) . You obviously went to school for something so maybe that doesn't seem attractive, but what you do for money isn't who you are and just being able to earn some income and have something to do will probably help your self esteem immensely (and hopefully free you from your dependence on an alcoholic boyfriend)

    Oct 9, 2011
    1 like
  • aloserlikeme
    aloserlikeme

    I dont know what to say but your story got me thinking about life how unfair it is

    i am thinking about whats gonna happen to me when i am gonna get charge of my life

    i wish that someday u broke out of this situation and damn thats all i can do

    Sep 26, 2011
    1 like