I Lost It

I am crawling through a hallway, wrought with my guilt and anguish, cold and dark. I am tempted by my own indiscretions, striped to the flesh by my borrowed conflictions. I now stand alone on the top of a point, looking out into the future. A blank Canvas stands before me; my only tool is the soul I carry in the shallow secret spaces of my heart, past deceit, past devotion. This is my only tool to impose on this existence. But I just wait, I stare blankly, nothing comes to mind. Where do I start? Where is my Inspiration? Where is my creativity?

I lost it.

I lost it traveling through this hardened world. This state of mind brought to us buy our local sponsors incorporated. I feel as though the only creativity appreciated in this world is marketable, as if my every creative thought, I have to sit and ponder on; Is this stemming from a stereotype, a commercial broadcast, a million dollar deal?

I crave simplicity.

An entire existence built on emotion, intuition, and chance. A reality where there is no why, no search for the facts and answers, no mockery of human sensation.
waywardme waywardme
26-30, F
5 Responses Jul 12, 2011

The human nature to destroy rather than build up, is a learned mechanism due to greed, self entitlements and spite. I totally agree with your plea to a better here and now. Well written.. Too. You must work out, huh?

Hi Waywardme, You have the most amazing way to put your thoughts into words. You have a real talent !!! The feeling come though and express deep feelings . Your words are your paint brush and you are sure to paint a masterpiece, Joeapples

Hey, AlyceNWonderland. Thank you so much for your comment. Your words mean a lot to me...especially in the way that you arrange them :) <br />
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I have found the Lord since this was written...not sure where I am going now, but I do feel secure, I can tell you that at least.

Waywardme... First I love your name. I've always loved the word wayward. I did enjoy your post. Got lost in words and being a very visual person mixed these things with the dance of your thoughts and it played out beautifully in my head. So thank you. I've often thought that majority of humanity goes about living plastic lives and people move robotically through thier years .... unwillimg or maybe not even noticing that they are staying with in the lines. I believe in chance.... I believe abstract sporadic moments of doing the undone can change life in ways unthought. I think this is why we need to hear our brains, but listen to our passions .... Reach for the moon cause if you miss you'll may end up hitting the stars..... Live unrestrained.

Thank you, Alyce

You're not alone in your line of thought.<br />
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The best our minds have to offer this world can not, and should not, be limited to the small box of that which is marketable.<br />
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In my field, when funding for medical research becomes scarce, which it is unfortunately by definition but becomes even more so when economies around the world are folding in on themselves like they are now, the bodies that allocate this funding become very risk-adverse. They're not interested in funding projects that are outside the box and challenge strongly held science dogma, but ones that seem guaranteed to deliver.<br />
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If this persists, we miss out on the people who think outside the box, like Barry Marshall, who won the 2005 Nobel Prize in physiology for pursuing his theory that gastric ulcers are not caused by stress and spicy food as commonly believed, but by an infection, which turned out to be the bacterium <i>Helicobacter pylori</I>.<br />
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Refuse to conform. Entertain your thoughts and visions, give them however much freedom and resources you're willing to despite or in spite of what others may say or think. The human mind is what makes us unique, and if we all think the same, our thoughts will not have the same chance to evolve as we have.

Very thought provoking comment, Lipbloss. Thank you for that! It's interesting to apply the story's abstract musings to real life, such as medical research- thank you for that too.
One question for you: What effect, if any, do you think mainstream media has on our homogenous thoughts/ideology as a society?

I like your response. cheers!