I Felt It. But It Was Only A Dream...

Many years ago I had a dream. I know it was my soulmate. It was an intensely romantic and atmospheric dream. And very real.

I often dream in full colour. I feel temperature and can smell and touch things. But as my brain chemistry is a little out of whack the dreams are usually nightmares.

I have taken antidepressants for over half my life and they do go a long way to correct the imbalance. But I digress.

Back to my dream.

He appeared to me bodily but his face was blurred. It was more about the emotion I could feel eminating from him. It was like a gentle shower raining over me. I have never felt love like that and there are no words that could describe it.

The dream was in no way sexual although we did embrace and kiss.

It was raining outside in my dream and to this day I get very needy when it rains. When I smell ozone in the air I just need to be held. Not in a desperate way but the feeling is a need for completeness. I feel like a part of me is missing and that piece is close.

Oh god I felt so wonderful for months and months after that dream. I was starting to feel very alone in this life. Thinking that there was no one for me.

Even to this day I still search for love. I want that feeling again. That wonderful pure feeling. That excitement. That knowing that I mean something to someone as they mean something to me.

But it's so hard. No one can ever fully commit. I feel like I'm in a state of constant frustration. I hate having to hold back.

I want to be real. I want to be rid of the fear. I want someone to want all that I have to give.

Sometimes I wish I could have that dream again. Re live that feeling. And I ask myself, does anyone have that feeling inside them? People appear to be so happy on the surface. Are they just getting by?
Misseddie Misseddie
41-45, F
2 Responses Jan 12, 2013

Wow, can't begin to say how much I relate to this. Every relationship I've ever been in has ended with too much love from me and not enough love from the other. I seem to have a passion that no one I've met has and it never does any good. I definitely know what you mean having to hold back. I feel now that if I am ever to love again I will have to do just that. It's not a great feeling but just know that there are others in this world who have the passion that you do. I hope you find what you are looking for!

Nothing in real life is easy. No relationship is perfect and marriage is the hardest of them all... we just have to keep going. Life is too short