Misfitted Here, Misfitted There....

I have always felt like a misfit but it hasn't always been a bad thing...most funny people, incredibly intelligent people, creative people are misfits to a degree and we never really know whats going on with other people so maybe more people than we think feel like this. I have family and 'friends' but I have always felt that there is something i'm not quite getting. I have always stood out - i'm big and tall - and I think some people see me as an easy target, although that could be paranoia. I think if you feel like a misfit then its hard to stand up for yourself because the social standards that some people use to bully others are not applicable to the misfit. From one point of view the misfit could be seen to be a failure. Of course in the scheme of things its absolutely nonsense. We live, we die and our lives are the minutest speck of dust. I am living in a foreign country to my homeland. I have been here a year and its a cold country - the weather and the people - but I have realized that its not really the place - its me. I suffer depression, anxiety, I self medicate with alcohol/food/tobacco/coffee. But another thing I have realized is that nothing is permanent. The low feelings of self inflicted alienation are interspersed with moments of self acceptance, moments of feeling valued within society, of being liked and loved. People seem to think highly of me in some respects - I am a talented musician, knowledgeable and likable so it is not really life giving me a hard time, its me. When life/people do give me a hard time I take it very badly. Its another nail in my coffin of self worth.
dereksmalls dereksmalls
36-40
Sep 22, 2012