Uncomfortable

I feel uncomfortable in groups of people, especially women.  I much rather talk with women one on one.  When I'm in a group of females, I feel I have absolutely nothing in common with them at all! I don't know why I feel this way, maybe I compare myself and don't quite measure up??????  Not sure, but I know I feel out of place.

Tumblindice Tumblindice
36-40, F
18 Responses Mar 25, 2009

Some people are more comfortable speaking to groups, some one-on-one. There's nothing wrong with you--just keep practicing. Sometimes just smiling and listening is enough, when you're in a group. Talkers love good listeners.

yes.....michael......that is the best way to be......i won't change for these women either.......one is I don't think i can.....i'm too old, tired and lazy to please anyone but myself anymore and have no desire to change......i just wish I didn't feel like I "should"

i feel the same with arrogant and cocky men...who are womanizers...and seem to have a flock of women gravitating to them anyway....makes no sense to me...but i won't change my ways regardless...i'll always be considerate and caring....and sensitve....and work on being the better version of myself for myself and for others...regardless of women or men....all in hopes of things working out...

meeeeese thank you for your comment it is insightful and accurate. I have to tell you that I generally do not behave in a catty way toward women, in fact it is the opposite, I have gone out of my way for my female friends, more than I have for any man or any relationship. With the exception of a few, and certainly no one on this site, I've been hurt over and over and betrayed many times. Meeeese, i would like your opinion please, it seems I overcompensate and am overly generous, or give much of my time and attention to female friends in my life only to get rejected by certain groups of women. I have never had this experience with men, yes there were certain men that I ran into that were nasty or conceited or blew me off, but with certain groups of women I just don't fit in, I feel I have nothing in common with many of them.

i see the conversation took a turn, but i wanted to respond to something said earlier on- that (most) women are "instinctively" catty towards each other...<br />
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i am woman, and throughout my life i have felt this effect of "cattyness," but to say it is instinctual kind of implies that is natural when in fact it is not. <br />
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all of our behavior is learned. this is unrepudiated fact. so why have so many females learned to behave in this way? a culture of male dominance which has created and enforced ideas that women dont need comraderie among each other bec we get what we need from our men. <br />
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now women do usually have deeper social connections than men, but men usually have a greater number. it grows out of this concept of comraderie among males that is not reared in women as we grow. and this is not an overt conspiracy, rather an unconscious habit to maintain the gender roles. <br />
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we can change this, as we can change any other behavior.

i'm sorry you feel that way. you are a very attractive man. and more important you are a beautiful soul, I hope you come to believe this about yourself.

me too...we are alike that's for sure..mine is on feeling ugly...looks on my face,,feeling i look nervous..because i am..over aware of myself to others in social settings..feeling i'll never attract woman,....or be what they want ...feeling i can't please them...or add up to the competition...feeling i'll always be lonely..be cheated on../...used....and hurt by woman....alot more but i'll spare you

By the way, the reason I love EP so much and my EP friends is that you know all my faults and still are my friend. :)

michaelojibwa.......i bet if there were a group of women.........you would approach me. I always got along great with men and never really had too many unpleasant relationships with men. I've met some wonderful women on ep. I wish some of the women I met in real life were like my online women friends. <br />
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I'd love to be friends with you......and I do try to get out and interact with others but I find very few women understand me. I'm kind of more like a man, i'm a slob and i don't care much for materialism, i like to gamble and watch football. Things I don't like....tupperware parties.......or any of those home decorating parties, baking anything, dinners that are formal and shopping with women that take 3 hours to pick out a pair of underwear..........sigh.........be my friend? ;)

i bet..just knowing how people are...that if i had to pick the attractive one to me or the one who would seem to be the best to interact with it would be you...i suffer with that **** too...drives me insane....but hey...wanna be friends ?...i do...yeah...i like the please yourself part...unforunately..i tend to do that a little more than i really should be..lol...keep in touch

maybe...but could it also be that you're just uncomfortable with this group of women?<br />
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maybe it just doesn't matter...enjoy the women you like...and if possible don't worry about the ones you're uncomfortable with.<br />
I know, easier said than done.

Yes, Frito, it does depend on the group. Sometimes I feel i don't belong in any group. I have so many contradictions in my life. For example, I have kids, but don't feel comfortable with some other moms, and I don't feel comfortable all the time with women with no kids, it's my self esteem.

For me it depends on the group. I usually move in small groups with women I like and so I'm comfortable with that but recently I met a group of friends of my friend and was definitely uncomfortable. I really felt checked out...and probably was.

Hey Pip, your're right me too. Always got along better with men, but then the women call you a **** in high school right? Because you have guy friends, you can't win!!! Sometimes women expecially teenage girls can be catty and cruel, I see this also with adult women.

I agree a group of women would be more stressful, but i'm much more comfortable talking with men.............always have been, even back in high school....i always had way more guy friends than girls.........i guess there's not as much fear of judgement or something......

Lacey, I think you're right about the ganging up aspect.

I find it easier to talk to people one on one too regardless of sex. That's why I chose not to be a teacher.

Thanks Lacey. I dread going to functions where I will have to deal with groups of women, yet when I'm with women one on one, I'm not anxious.