Overwhelming Feeling Of Power And Violence.

It happens very rarely, but there is no doubting that when it does it is certainly there...

I begin to feel energetic at first, simply like i need to go for a run or climb something or both, and i usually will just to calm myself down or tire myself out but if i dont it keeps building and building until the stage i feel not only like running and climbing but hunting and chasing to kill, not always animals either occasionally its people...

Its an uncontrollable urge that i can seem only to satisfy with the previously mentioned excercise and some violent release like a punching bag or a simulated hunting sprint (like running fast through a forest or really fast on flat ground).

The night makes it worse...

The cold air and bright moon fills me with this energy and this urge stronger than ever and (before you say werewolf) not the full moon in particular, though it does make it stronger, seeing as its so bright and i can see perfectly in this low light. And its in these situations i begin to take on other animalistic characteristics, a hunched posture that is a result of being ready to spring and go at any moment, a low growl rises in my throat that i cant seem to control no matter what i try and again the overwhelming urge to hunt and kill...

I cant pin the feeling down to being similar to a particular, but more like a host of them. like a dog or wolf (the growl mostly ) or a cat (because of the urge to climb and vault over objects) sometimes the feeling seems slightly reptilian (think velociraptor) with the running style i seem to adopt and the raptor-like thirst of the hunt.

I also know this feeling isnt completely in my subconscience, not only do i feel animalistic but when i am in this state i actually perform better in physical tasks, as if i am constantly pumping with adrenalin without it wearing off... I have timed myself in 100m sprints with an average score during non animal periods (trying as hard as i could) and i then repeated on the same track a few days later when the feeling kicked in and i was significantly faster, not marginally breaking my record but significantly destroying it, running at what i was later told as state sprint entry level speed with no prior training. Also, in my spare time i used to do recreational parkour (before the first animal experience) and i was kind of good at it, not exceptional but good. Since then i stopped while school picked up and at the hieght of my stress the first feeling came which, needless to say, resulted in a recless leap that i would never before have even considered without a second thought, merely a split second decision that i handled perfectly. What was even stranger at the time i didnt even recognise that i had done it, merely continued my parkour sprint in pursuit of an imaginary target to satisfy myself.

There are certain stimulus that seem to bring this feeling out in me such as particular songs (Listen to Scream by Avenged Sevenfold as an example.) Fire always brings it out, in fact this is the strongest cause i have found, a raging fire sends me into a state not dissimilar to a feeding frenzy (which i manage to control in my head).

I have never fully satisfied these urges, merely ran until i couldnt anymore or ate until i was no longer hungry... But the feeling now returns much more often and with increasing strength and always comes with increased abilities, in fact i have not doubt that one day i will have to go for a real hunt to see if that will sedate this animal for a longer period of time or perhaps make it worse...

Regardless of this "possession" i remain in complete control of myself with things such as controlling that urge to kill and holding it off and focussing it in a less destructive manner (for this i am grateful) so its not like i will one day snap and kill everyone around me...

If anyone has ever had feelings such as these i hope that you will share them with me or give me some advice so i can at least know that i am not alone...

Thank you,
(Thursday, 29th of July, 2010)
Bloodsand Bloodsand
6 Responses Jul 29, 2010

I know I'm a little late to this but I have the same feelings as you. Do

Whoa... This is EXACTLY what's happening to me. Literally, almost everything you said is what I feel when I ... You know, I don't really have a word for it, but yeah. I find anything which raises my heart rate tends to bring on the... effect, I guess. Intense music, physical activity, and yes, the full moon DOES increase these effects. I feel stronger, faster, and more aware of everything around me. With regards to the full moon, I feel as if I'm constantly on the hunt, have issues sleeping, and my friends call me "irritable." When I was young, I was completely non athletic, but since this started happening about a year or two ago, I feel... powerful. The change is usually accompanied by a weird feeling that the world is kind of beneath me. I lose any anxiety or worry, and I feel like I can do anything.

Iv just been trying to figure out why I'm feeling like this, its happening more now iv turned 17, I'm nearly 18 now and I feel it getting worse, I get it every night and throughout the day randomly, iv managed to control it lasting too long but i do it even after having a conversation with with someone and they walk of I suddenly move my head in a weird way and my like a growl/roar and then try to suppress the feeling of destroying something and running around on some spree of destruction. I'm aware that I have some kind of primal side to me, iv always been fairly slim but always able to combat my enemy's and win, wether its play fighting or seriously, iv always been strong and think differently about things than people. Its like an uncontrolable urge or energy of just going primal, wild, free. I tried explaining it to my mum, she laughed and said it could be testosterone but it's not like that and it's not like proper aggression, I feel extreme power when I get like this and to fight something until death. I do feel the urge to kill but not people specifically its more just a crave for it and I'm really not aggressive unless there's a good reason, I'm very calm most of time. And I have to agree its more powerful on a full moon. I remember when I was 13 and I was fighting my cousin he was 17 and I was overpowering him throughout it, he got me a few times but I also enjoyed the feel of the challenge and getting hurt satisfied it more, and that was on a full moon. It's gotten more frequent since iv been exercising, I'm not really sure why Im like this and this is the first time iv tried to find out. I don't have any pent up anger but this primal feeling is quite overwhelming. Fire actually calms me from wanting to hunt and kill but I still feel primal just staring at it. Smoking has surpressed it a bit and weed did help but at the same time I don't want to get rid of it. I feel like it might be the true me And that this society I live in, surpresses us from being animals so people might not feel it because of that but I also think I could just be different from others and there's no real reason. Any info on this is appreciated

Just my opinion, but being pent up makes wild animals into crazy animals. Safely let out your animal side, don't be stupid about it, I find release in just chasing squirrels. I have no desire to actually catch one, but the chase gives me the satisfaction I need. Don't be afraid to look like a fool, chase squirrels, pigeons, tag with your friends. Don't hunt for sport though, that's poor form, only rabies ridden fools do such an act. But puppy play from time to time. I've had the aggressive desires that were so intense I thought I'd snap and bite someone, stop caring what society thinks, and just follow instincs when they come. Obviously, don't do anything illegal, or to hurt someone, but if you feel like stalking prey, do it. If you feel like curling up in the sun, do it. If you feel like expressing your power, howl. Follow your instincs, but keep in mind that for a little while, when you start doing this freely, your instincts are going to want to go crazy. Keep control, and keep us updated please.

I'm 13 and ever since I was little I've been too powerful, too agressive, too energized and too wild, so no one played with me. I felt sad. I would walk into the nearby woods and run and pretend I was free, like a animal. Now i feel the urge to punch something and the feeling to sprint, and if I don't, I get freezing cold but sweating at the same time. I don't know whats wrong with me!

ugh I feel weird commenting on this, but after 3 hours of browsing the webs in an attempt to figure out whats wrong with me this story hits the nail on the head, and is the only thing iv found that even comes close to how i feel.<br />
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I get really anxious.. not nervous or worried but like my blood is boiling. Like im going to rip out of my skin, some violent energy has me tearing at the seams. I get really tense, any muscle i use feels like its flexing. I feel extremely restless. I feel like I just want to tear into something or someone; now this is almost a complete opposite of I normally am. I am not an aggressive person, im very introverted kinda quiet nice friendly ect.<br />
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Iv always gone walking at night, mostly cause I always felt a weird connection to the moon. If shes out, I always find myself looking at her.<br />
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I havent felt like this in a while. I dont know why this feeling has come back. It feels primal, violent, cold. <br />
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I feel like a ****** tard' but the growling comes too..from the back of the throat just kinda happens, specially if im breathing heavy. I normally only breath from my nose but it doesnt feel comfortable when im like this. All my veins are dialated so maybe I just need more oxygen so I use my mouth.<br />
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When this came over me, I went and heated up a steak I got a Don Pablo's today thinking maybe i was hungry or something. Steaks gone, Restlessness not. I really want to know whats up with me. <br />
It just feels like I want to tear and rip into something with such violence and animosity, and if I dont ill be eviscerated from the inside out, like the urges are tearing outward from the inside. I have felt like this a few times before but tonight is by far the worst its ever been. So restless but I need sleep and cant get it<br />
I have to work in 5 hours, I was hoping id find some simple solution. The only thing I did different today than any other normal day. I meditated for half an hour, was my first time actually doin it right and feeling refreshed, but about 3 1/2 hours ago these primal urges just blindside me to all ******* hell. idk.. any feedback at all would be helpful...at least comforting i think

I am 14 and have been experiencing similar "symptoms" as you, I call it hunger but that doesn't really cover it, I'm quite happy that Im not the only one like this, the only advice that I can give you would only work if you lived near a forest or mountain, it has worked quite well for me and seems to keep my hunger satisfied to a degree, hunting small animals like rabbits or gophers has been working quite wel for me, message me back please, Im still quite new to embracing my hunger and you seem to have "monitored" what it does to you, thanks :)