Wild Filly, Just Broken

I am like a wild filly. I will let myself be caught, but only after running so long I can't run anymore. And when I'm caught, I will only settle down when I trust my master, myself, and my surroundings. If it doesn't make sense and I'm confused, I panic. I kick and buck. Those are the times I need the rope around my neck the most. To allow me the freedom to expend my energy but remain safely by my master's side. Once I'm "broken in" I forever trust. I have yet to be fully broken. I so crave to be.

I want to be broken and be lead by my master. I want to be ridden without a saddle, without reins. I'd like to become like a cutting horse - able to follow subtle commands quickly and precisely, happy to be commanded and fulfilling my true nature, working on the next task my master has for me.

I feel like my husband has the rope very loosely tied around my neck. It makes me want to back up and back out of it. I'd love nothing more than to jump the fence in the corral and just run free, but I know what happens. I end up in all sorts of trouble. I need a master. I hope my husband pulls the rope tighter, and soon. I am afraid the fence looks too tempting.
ANewCreation4Him ANewCreation4Him
36-40, F
2 Responses Dec 15, 2012

I understand your frustration. I really do. Your story beautifully illustrates how you feel. This is an especially hard time, and I imagine that is adding to the challenge of patience. Things will get better. Your husband is a new wrangler. He needs time. The rope may be loose, but it’s there. He may not be pulling tightly on it, but is there not another rope? I think there’s at least two more. I know that he has set limits on you for your time of healing. I know you can feel that pull. Sometimes the rope we want is not the rope we get right away. Feel that tug and enjoy it. The other rope is from above. Don’t head for the fence, my friend. There is no real satisfaction there. Hugs

You're so awesome! Just what I needed to hear. I think I have about 50 ropes pulling at me.. LOL! I'm just an intense kinda person and want what I want when I want it, and I don't like to wait. LOL!

I do hope you don’t have to wait too long. :)

Thanks, my friend. Glad to know you. :)

I understand and have often felt similarly. It's nice to hear from another that shares similar feelings.