Looking Out From Under The Table

When I was younger, I would hide under the kitchen table and listen to my mom and my sisters talking. I hid under the table so they would not be able to pick on me. They would call me names and laugh. They would make me do things that nobody wanted to do and because I was a good kid I thought I had to do it. Mom mom and my older sisters were my childhood bullies. Mom laughed with them. The reason that I hide under the kitchen table was because I found a way that I could be around my family and not hurt so much. I hid.

I seem to be doing that now but I realized the hiding has turned to distance. Which is alot healthier then being their butt of their jokes. I am 36yrs old and I am finally setting down some boundaries for my mom and my sisters. Their lives are miserable. All they know is drama. I found some peace and they hate that I have it.

Its sad that when people talk about their family, I don't know how that feels. I don't know about the unconditional love and safety.  My family was my father. He protected me from them. Now that he died 2yrs ago I have to protect myself from them. I don't like them but deep inside yes.. i love them. I love them from afar. I know that they feel that I have abandoned my elderly mother but its the only way I can stay on top of my boundaries that I have to keep me safe from them. I am learning how to care for me, one day at a time.
donedonedone36 donedonedone36
1 Response Sep 8, 2012

been there<br />
done that<br />
had to sleep on tha patio as a child and they locked the door at night time and i could not get back in till they got up the only think i had done wrong was to live and my twin was born dead<br />
at 12 years there was a fight and i left home and my best friends mother gave me a new home a new life and a family<br />
<br />
then she allowe my best friend andme to become man and wife very early in life why not we both worked hard we had great greats and we took care of each other<br />
<br />
she was killed at 19 our mother took her own life thinking both her kids were dead i was in a coma ourgrandparents sat by my bed 24 / tilli came out of the coma but the pased away in 1972 or 73 and the other kids well i will not use the words for them<br />
so i also have no one

Yes.. we have to pick up and move on. Sometimes people tell me to get over it. It's hard to get over what was our life. One foot at a time forward.