Almost Always

Even in my family I am the outsider, as I don't have the same dad as my two brothers and my step-dad probably wishes I wasn't around. I don't see my dad anymore so I'm definitely not part of his family, and the family I knew as I was growing up was with my mum and grandparents, so I've always been the odd one out in a way.

At university I very rarely talk to anyone. I do usually try and say something in group work, but because of my social anxiety I often **** it up or just can't do it at all. Group work is awful anyway, as it's even more obvious when you're an outsider and you're being put into a group you can't fit into. When I was a teenager I always felt like an outsider as I'd end up sitting by the side, the only one not really talking to anyone. They'd know I was there and I'd be part of the group in a way, but I was never really part of the conversation properly. That's why I started getting sick of it as I got older and going off on my own at breaks or during free periods: being completely alone is usually better than being part of a group you're never going to fit into.

Kwozimodo Kwozimodo
1 Response Feb 24, 2010

I know exactly what you mean. When I was on secondary school, I always felt like nobody liked me. They really bullied me, like I was the lowest person on earth. Sometimes when you are telling people how do you feel about several things, they can´t imagine or they just don´t want to understand you. I had this with once before, I had a conversation with a girl I knew of my primary school. I told her how I felt and all she could say was: "it´s just the way your handle or thinking´, if you´re going to think about something negative, it would turn out negative". I agreed with that. But the fact was, I wasn´t imagine things. My friend just didn´t know how I felt and that really broked me down. Nowdays it´s difficult for me to get into a group or just get started to talk with a stranger. Because when I was a kid, I talked with everybody, I really did. But thats the past. If I'm talking to somebody I'm already thinking what would they think about me, so the negative thought of me would push the people that like me away. So thats why I just shut my mouth and don't say anything at all. I just being liked as the quiet girl.