Help Me Please? I Dont Know What To Do

it started about 10 months ago. i met this girl named sara online. and we started dating after a while. she lived a little bit away but it wasnt any big deal for me and she said it wasnt for her either. we were really happy together and we talked on the phone almost every night. we talked online during the day too and we even got cams to see eachother when we wanted and i got a mic so we could talk during the day.

after a few months sara started talking to these two guys. their names were "ka" and "axel". axel really liked sara and he wanted to go out with her. but sara didnt think of him like that. but she liked ka alot. sara broke up with me hoping ka would take her if she was single. after about a week we got back together. apparently ka thought sara was lying for attention when she was sad and he told her to go away.

me and sara were back together and things were starting to go back to the way things were between us. then this girl at school started to hit on me. i kinda liked her but it was nothing like the love i feel for sara. sara left the day before our 10 month anniversary but she never told me why. the next day sara told me she was going out with a friend she knew for a while.

his name was ray. sara is 13, im 15, and ray is 21... i completly lost everything i had once i knew that. a bombshell went off in my chest and i couldnt feel anything for a whole day. i started having suicidal thoughts and i started looking up how to kill myself. then i found out ray made sara do things she didnt want to do. sara told me he forced her to put all her fingers inside her sexually. and then i found out ray wanted to come to where sara was and take her virginity away. when sara didnt want to.

i thought i did everything right. i never forced sara to do anything. i loved her for more than just her looks i loved her with all my heart and so much more. and then she leaves for a 21 year old who makes her do things she doesnt want to do and will hurt her. i care for her so much and i want her back more than anything. she says she just wants to be friends and its killing me inside even more. i've been talking to some people in high school and they say they can get me prescription sleeping pills. and i really want to buy them. i just dont know what to do anymore ...

i keep wanting to kill myself and its all i think about. im drinking, smoking weed and i hate both of them ... they help me forget about everything because everything reminds me of sara.
QuinnLark QuinnLark
13-15, M
Jul 15, 2010