Why?

Right now I honestly feel like I have no one..
Well lets just start off here.. When I was six years old my mom dropped me off at 3 am with my father, a man I didn't even know.. My dad was an alright guy until a few years later he started drinking, and blaming me for all of his problems. Like why he can't have a good job, why he never has money, why he can't live his perfect life.. Well eventually he did get a good job, and made good money.. That was all wasted on alcohol, strippers and drugs.. So I thought, hey, yanno if my dad wants to physically and emotionally abandon me for the fantasy life, then I can just do what ever I want.. I started drinking and smokin marijuana when I was 12 years old.. I was high all the time, I just didn't want to face reality.. After a couple of years, I had slowed down on the party life when I had thought I had fallen in love.. I had just turned fourteen and I dropped everything for this one person.. Maybe because I was so lonely. Anyways, I get pregnant, get my heart broken (over and over again), and end up having to live with this jerk because now both my parents are homeless and can't help me... I have tried everything.. Literally. After two years of being hurt and let down by people I love,,, this is where my breaking point starts..
I have lived with this jerk for years, (we're not in a relationship) I have been through hell living here, I really don't feel like going into details.. Right now I just feel so alone, like no one wants me, if my parents don't, then who would? A while after finally accepting the fact that I could not trust anyone, and no one would ever want me my best friend turns my life around. I was so happy and just didn't feel alone.. But I'm guessing now that it was all too good to be true.. We were together for a long while..
Yesterday afternoon, I had the worst feeling in the world. I felt soo sick and I didn't want to move..
I had a, what medical professionals call a spontaneous abortion, other words, a miscarriage... Today I had my first real anxiety attack, it was bad and, In front of a lot of people.. Some of the people who know what is going on, are saying that I just want attention.. It's just really hard, I know what the truth is and how I feel. I would never wish any of this on any one else.. When your going through so much and you have no one.. I can't do this anymore.. I know some of this doesn't sound to bad but there's a significant amount of details i didn't add... There's a difference between wanting attention and, needing comfort, peace, affection, and love... I don't know how much longer I can 'hang in there'.
stuckinthisnightmare stuckinthisnightmare
18-21
1 Response Dec 15, 2012

I wish I could say something to help... I really do...