It May Not Mean Much To You, But To Me Its Everything...

Hello, im 19, and... to be honest im still not sure if i have given up yet but, i need to vent or i will succumb to my own pressures. Im losing my will daily, and my heart and fight for survival and keeping my head above water is dwindling to nothing. It all started back in October. I met this beautiful girl and we got together on October 1st. Since then, i feel like my life has become a living hell where im plagued with suffering. The girl i just previously mentioned is one of my two rays of sunshine in all this darkness. First it started with a car accident that put me in debt up to my eyeballs and 2 points on my licence. Then, just as im rising above this, my college dropped my registration and i had to explain this to my parents, who didnt take it well in the slightest. I told them the day after Christmas and nearly got thrown out. Hell everybody was telling my dad and stepmom to throw me out, my grandfather called me a little snot nosed basterd and told my dad to put me on my *** so my only way would be an army recruiting office. However, my parents instead made an ultimatum that i either shape up and go back to school or get another job and start paying rent and my own health insurance etc... naturally i chose school. However, on jan 7th i got into another accident and totaled my car. This also pissed off my parents to no end because the timing was so horrible. I literally just got to where i almost payed off my debt, was just about to go back to school and get my life back on track and bam... got into an accident with another person, and another two points on my license plus insurance and blah blah... the day of my accident i got another ticket in the mail from some red light cam in a place i dont even remember. With no other option because im a delivery boy for a pizzaria and i need a car, i tried to learn to drive stick with my dads old car cuz he just got a new one. I got another ticket for some stupid stuff cuz a state trooper was an a hole and then blew the clutch in this car cuz i dont know how to drive it. I literally couldnt pinch a penny at a garage sale im so poor, yet i have to pay for my dads clutch in the car, 3 tickets, a new car, and school books all within the next week or so... on top of that my cellphone bill and who the hell knows what else... without a car i have no job, and without job i cant get a car... my parents are so finished with me they wont help, and it seems like everytime im about to get my life somewhat close to back on track, i get hit with some other money and time taking catastrophe... my only hope is getting signed to this label. you see im a hip hop artist, which creates alot of problems because its my only passion. I ******* hate college. My parents hate hip hop as a career choice, but I know that I have what it takes and am willing to put my life into it rather than living with the regret. i just met up with a couple of guys the other day who want to sign me to their new indy label, and i could make money for my music and leave my parents and go on tour... this is my dream and only hope. the problem is that wont be until summer and in the meantime im in trouble not now but right now. This hope of being signed and my lady friend are my only rays of sun in this dark hell. I know there are others way worse off then would put my problems in perspective, but going through it it seems as if there is no way out. even if i did get out of the jam im in now, what else is to come? Im cursed, plaugued, obviously being punished by the powers that be for something. I just dont know what to do other than hope and pray i can see my way out of this...
An Ep User An EP User
1 Response Jan 21, 2013

Hopefully your doing better my life a living hell as well everyday i wake up is a nightmare.