I Must Stay Strong But I Dont Know How.Lately , schools been getting difficult . I don't why , or if there's a reason behind it. I feel stupid helpless , I've been getting lazy with my studies.
Since i was young , i always dealt with an Alcoholic father. Its so difficult , im so used to disappointment. It frustrates me, how i know my father isn't going live up to my expectations. He always tells me his not going to drink , or were going somewhere. but , im always let down. IT ALWAYS HAPPENS TO ME , why am i used to it already? why does it still hurt when he prefers drinkings over me. I realize that im nobodies first priority but my own. Im going to die alone , and im fine with that , i dont mind. But , sometimes i ask , why dont i just end it all. The thing is , im to afraid to live and to scared to die. I don't want to give up on school , but lately its been so difficult. I pray to god everyday , but he just seems to be piling on the challenges. Every since i was little i wanted to be a doctor , and attend the college of UCLA. but reality is starting to hit me , its going to be a struggle to get there , i come from a poor latino community ... though i never felt poor. Reality is getting to me , and the challenges im facing are getting hard. Maybe? im just way over my head here. I've always been hardheaded. I always been determined , but everything just falling apart. My parents and constantly fighting. But i don't want to give up on school , its the only thing that will get me out of here and into a decent life. I CAN'T GIVE UP, NOT NOW ... ive gone to far to give up now. Its been very stressing thats all.