I Must Stay Strong But I Dont Know How.

Lately , schools been getting difficult . I don't why , or if there's a reason behind it. I feel stupid helpless , I've been getting lazy with my studies.
Since i was young , i always dealt with an Alcoholic father.  Its so difficult , im so used to disappointment. It frustrates me, how i know my father isn't going live up to my expectations. He always tells me his not going to drink , or were going somewhere. but , im always let down. IT ALWAYS HAPPENS TO ME , why am i used to it already? why does it still hurt when he prefers drinkings over me. I realize that im nobodies first priority but my own. Im going to die alone , and im fine with that , i dont mind. But , sometimes i ask , why dont i just end it all. The thing is , im to afraid to live and to scared to die. I don't want to give up on school , but lately its been so difficult. I pray to god everyday , but he just seems to be piling on the challenges. Every since i was little i wanted to be a doctor , and attend the college of  UCLA. but reality is starting to hit me , its going to be a struggle to get there , i come from a poor latino community ... though i never felt poor. Reality is getting to me , and the challenges im facing are getting hard. Maybe? im just way over my head here. I've always been hardheaded. I always been determined , but everything just falling apart. My parents and constantly fighting. But i don't want to give up on school , its the only thing that will get me out of here and into a decent life. I CAN'T GIVE UP, NOT NOW ... ive gone to far to give up now. Its been very stressing thats all.
BreatheEasy BreatheEasy
2 Responses Sep 18, 2011

well god is jus preparing u to be stronger for more stressfull times in the future. and u cant change them so u shouldnt keep gettin ur feelings hurt.. stayin school dont give up... focus and it will be over in no time but if u keep worrying about the strugles its goin to be even harder... everyone has these kind of prolems and they make it thru... dont let them look like the are better than u... jus stay strong and brethe... think of how ur future will be because u only have one chance to do it right.... so take advanage of it and think of how happy u will be when u overcome the struggles... then when u have the time live up to ur own expectations and get ur dad too busy to drink... you take him to do something maybe then he will realize theres more to do than drink...<br />
good luck... :)

You need to talk to an adult, and not your parents, they are too busy with each other right now. This is very hard.<br />
<br />
But your dad's an alcoholic, I expect, and thinking he won't drink for any reason is not reasonable. He has to figure out he can't drink, and can't even be around it. Until he does stop expecting him to be able to control himself; he really can't, sadly.