Is It Worth It?

Almost every time I am behind the wheel I think about just pulling into the guard rail, or going over that bridge... I tell myself the only reason I hesitate is because it's not my car and I don't want to leave someone else with that mess. Why do I really stop? So often I just want to quit and stop trying. I have tried to quit so many times and I have come so close before but then at the last minute I change my mind and stress for days on end to catch my life back up to where it "should" be. I used to want so much out of life... Joy, happiness, children, a partner, to be a teacher. I just feel so alone, like I can not handle anything and do not deserve more than what I have. Today I have a choice ahead of me, I am wondering if I am going to rationalize again, finally give up or give in and stress once again up until the last second?
Sarahlmh Sarahlmh
22-25, F
Dec 11, 2012