I Wish Parts Of Me Would Physically- To Be Thin Again, But

here I am at 39 never really have experienced much real life so to speak... never been married, never had a man to be with who I truely love... I have always been forced to give my body and time to others I am not compatible with and who I am not attracted to... I guess you get used to it...

I would like to go more things... like coming up soon I am going to take myself to the art gallery just for a day and make sure I get a little bit dressed up for it and feel good before I fade away and end up old without ever knowing what real life is and having a chance to be real.

I feel like I am not who I wanted to be... I shouldn't have to live like a old bag... I spend all my teens looking ugly and we never had money or things to make me look pretty so men would like me... it hurts deep down ... I want to be able to go out and feel pretty and not feel guilty for it and to be able to meet people and socialize and have the things I should have had 25 years ago...

I don't mind giving some things away - I don't mind waiting and missing out sometimes... its nice to be counted and its would be nice to have a baby and get married before its just too late...

I have sacrificed so much for others on a personal scale in love and money and my education etc...

soon its gonna be ME TIME!!! FULL TIME!!!

I guess I am just lonely for a place of my own to fit into, career and specialised education and my own 'NICHE" a family and to be a mother etc...

and I like to contribute to others... I would like to find a nice young man in my life who has a interest in legal and business and who is my type of guy!!!

I am so tired of waiting! I am not giving to the things or people and guys that I don't care for anymore! I am too old to be put out!!! kind of been there and done that! 
czaristacrystals czaristacrystals
36-40, F
Jun 12, 2011