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I Feel Like Im Missing Something

I feel like there is something missing in my life,like that extra step to something?

can someone ask me a question and help me narrow it down?

 

well maybe just to start,so it could possibly help me or someone ask a helpful question or give some insight,

here are some things I thought could be causing me to feel like that one "piece" in my life is missing.

 

-  i've detached myself from all high school friends and aqaitances I feel I attach to them bad memories and I just find that these friendships were patronizing formed and pity formed so I let go of them.

-  doing that i feel how i felt when I was in ellementry alone,insecure and confused

-  my kung-fu club that ive been part of(its like a extended family , non commercial) my sifu is moving away due to the economic crisis and possibly the assistant instucter. I felt like that club was the only constant good thing in my life and it feels like its on rocky grounds due to this economic problems.it has been my source of confidence

- my source of confidence is rocky and now i feel shacky like if my club starts to get smaller and smaller I dont know what to do...I feel scared abit I have nerver anticipated this happening im very close to all the  guys there,they are like brothers to me and me their little sister.

 

- the rcmp are hiring officers but ive just started cejep and am mising the oportunity to my dream job and i am worried that when im ready to apply they wont need me and ive been set on that job for a long time.

 

i feel very unstable I miss having a best friend.

 

-oh and in the past my two best friends moved to Italy and Japan

 

Maybe what im missing is the connection all us humans need...I need to open myself up to a friend and be ME no pretend or try to impress be me and thats all

I dont think i've ever been myself whitout some sort of facade or trying to be what soceity wants..

 

I dont think I know how to really be myself..how to enjoy someones company without having a forced smile or feeling self-consious I miss when I HAD a best friends and we would play together cry together I shared myself with her now I feel so isolated even at my club I feel that isolation come and go. i didnt feel stis way since i started training at my club until i realized i dont hang out with them even when they invite me except for once..

i dont know how to do it,I dont want to feel like this anymore,I want to connect make a bext friend feel needed and not be the one needing.

 

can someone help me understand how to do this? please?

BelleRaven BelleRaven 18-21, F 5 Responses Mar 4, 2009

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have u got a boyfriend? usually that helps ;) if it doesnt i advise you- the next time you have free time, go out and walk around aimlesly you never know who or what you can find trust me. giv it a go ;)

Remember manifestation... get out there girl and if you want to be an RCMP than do it... do what you need to do to get on that path... shy or not .. you're an intelligent girl and we all can analyze our feeling to nothing if we want, but it's just that.. now start taking action... My son's an RCMP officer... though he took 4 yrs of schooling first ... which is better than just applying.. you'd would still need to do their 6 wk program and pay for it to boot... go and get your education further and your entry to what you decide from there will be in a much higher entry level.... like I said because education will get you everywhere...Besides you've got your martial arts which a lot do not have...this is a bonus...Don't let any insecurities hold you back...

Hi BelleRaven,<br />
<br />
Your story is everyone's story, in a way. You are probably expressing something that most of us feel when you say, "...I dont think i've ever been myself whitout some sort of facade or trying to be what soceity wants..."<br />
<br />
Everyone has a 'facade' made from the blend of all the personal conditioning we have each experienced (this mix gets molded into what we call "our self image"). But if we look beneath the surface to see WHAT our particular facade does for us (what it tries to say, or what it wants to hide, or why we feel it needs to be the way it is...etc.) then we begin to discover some interesting stuff. <br />
<br />
I wonder what you might find if you examined some of these 'reasons' for yourself? What is behind the particular image that you feel inclined to present to the world?<br />
<br />
I agree with you that a true sense of belonging often comes through being "ourselves" with others, not pretending or trying to impress, but being able to feel utterly at ease. And yet such a degree of mutual comfort does not always come easily, does it? Why do you think that is?<br />
<br />
In considering this point myself, I find it to be quite a complex matter. And when I look closely at the reasons for my own behavior, I get to find out what I am afraid of, what I want most of all, and what I feel I'm "not worthy of". <br />
<br />
These motivations, for many of my own 'facades', have included (for example) feeling I must to make sure everyone is comfortable. I've tried to meet their needs, calm their worries, or protect them from their pain. Some people feel they need to 'entertain' others and keep them laughing. There are many reasons behind the images people build, and present to the world.<br><br />
<br><br />
The big secret is that people are often so busy worrying about their own facades that they are not usually paying much attention to each other.<br />
<br />
Whatever our motivation IS, tells us what we THINK others want from us. But I'm discovering that our ideas about what people want can be totally mistaken. In order to find out what another individual actually wants (and everyone wants something different) we need to pay close attention to them. To ask them about themselves and to care about what they say when they tell us what matters to them.<br />
<br />
For example, in my case again, I've discovered the hard way that no one wants me to 'fix' things for them. They would rather I just relax and be with them. Love them and care about them. Turns out that I'd far rather do that anyway! <br />
<br />
In the process of really focusing completely on another person, one thing that happens, is that we forget about our own issues. Our self-consciousness disappears. We are free of concern about how we might look or what we might say. It can be nice to forget about our self sometimes. Often the only thing standing in the way of really connecting with each other is our own fears and insecurities. Paying attention to what is happening takes our focus off of our own fears and insecurity. This helps us really be THERE with the person and they feel our presence and they feel safe with us. It goes both ways.<br />
<br />
Bella, I am particularly intrigued by your very first sentence: "I feel like there is something missing in my life, like that extra step to something?" <br />
<br />
It seems to me that your insightful and inquisitive nature is a wonderful resource. You are already aware of the issues that humans face (all of us). And you are acutely aware how it feels when these longings are not met. You are aware of the discomfort it causes and you realize that it gets in the way of being comfortable. Gets in the way of your own ability to be fully available. I think you have correctly identified the issues (something which takes many people an entire lifetime to do!!) <br />
<br />
If you keep on asking such questions you WILL find your way. Desire to know is the way to finding out. <br />
<br />
I would like to say something about both parts of that first wonderful sentence of yours;<br />
<br />
1. "I feel like there is something missing in my life..." <br />
<br />
You are not alone in feeling this. This 'sense' is what causes most people to be taking constant refuge in distractions and addictions. There IS something missing--all we have to do is look around to be certain of this. The dilemma is to find out WHAT that 'something' is. I think this quest is what we are here to follow. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. Its not that you are the only one who misses that 'something'. We are all facing this same dilemma. Its not something we need to 'hide' or compensate for, or pretend its not true. THE FACT IS that it really isn't actually missing--its just that we are all trying to escape the FEELING OF EMPTINESS rather than discover what it is that is wanting to get our attention. In my opinion it would be more fun if we all embraced the journey of trying to find out what is missing, together! Then none of us would be lonely and feeling cut off from everyone else...<br />
<br />
2. "... like that extra step to something?" This is another common assumption--that in order to 'get somewhere' we need to take a step toward something. What if we just needed to STOP. What if instead of going somewhere, we could just BE WHERE WE ARE? I think that the hardest thing to do is merely be fully available to each thing we do. To each person or situation before us. I think the secret lies in doing just that. Perhaps it isn't that you need to DO something, but rather that you need to soften and just notice what is already happening. Could it be that simple? <br />
<br />
Let me know what you find out? I'd love to hear more about your quest...<br />
<br />
This is my own experience and it is hard to put to words so I don't know if any of this makes sense to you or not. Hope I'm not just confusing you with what I'm saying...<br />
<br />
I really do think you will figure this all out. It seems that you are already well on your way!

what a coincidence I've just started volunteering at a old folks home as an icebreaker before getting a part time job!<br />
im a bit nervous cause my first time,all the seniors were watching every move i made,that really made me self-conscious and their hard to "read",im usually good at "reading people but they are abit difficult though.

Try volunteering for some charity. Help feed the homeless, or some such. Whatever strikes a spark in you. You'll be connected, and you'll be doing something good for other people... who knows? Something could happen...