I Don't Belong On This Planet And I'm Waiting To Go HomeFor as long as I can remember, I've always felt homesick no matter where I was. I always knew home wasn't here on Earth. Even as a child I'd watch people, how they interact with each other, examine their features, their behaviors, and I've wondered why I'm so different, why I don't even feel human. I act as human-like as possible, but everything I do is very different from everyone else. When I'm in physical pain, which has to be very strong because I'm very resistant, I laugh. Emotional pain, I numb all emotions.
I always want to be alone. I'm usually in my room, reading, writing, sleeping, gaming. Or at the library, where not even my parents can bother me. I have many friends, I just usually hang out with them at school, and I tend to come up with excuses to not hang out after school, because I'd much rather feel alone. But I think it's because I'm really not alone at all - I feel like there's always someone, one of my kind, with me in my heart. However, I still have the need to find my own kind physically.
I've always had an extreme fascination with the stars. I can spend hours and hours just staring off into them, admiring their beauty. When I do this it comforts me. I don't feel so alone in this world. But I scan the stars, like I'm searching for home, but I've forgotten exactly where it's at. I often get these extreme urges to go home. Lately they've been stronger than ever. I want to go back home, where I belong.
I have always been very mature for my age, but this isn't exactly a good thing. I have trouble with making friends. I am very intelligent, and often find myself correcting my instructors and teachers, but I don't always apply myself because my mind is always off elsewhere, exploring my own interests.
I also don't get close to people easily. I'm only close to two people, and I only love four. I don't really like people too much. But I'm very loving towards nature. Now, I'm not a tree hugger or anything, but any abuse to animals or plants gets me angry and I feel even more ashamed of humans. I'm a fighter, not a lover. I love to fight - but it competition. I'm the only female in my martial arts class, as I have been for two years. I fight against older men in their twenties, thirties, and forties, and I'm in my early teens. Many people find this odd, but I have an extreme attraction to fighting, and I think there may be a purpose for that.
I feel emotions that I know many people have never felt before. I can tell exactly what someone is feeling by just looking at them - they can have a huge smile on their face, but inside I know they're unhappy. It's vice-versa for others. I can also tell nearly exactly what someone is thinking, or what they're going to say before they open their mouths, by looking at them and/or feeling the energy they're giving off.
If a UFO or strange aircraft landed before me, I'd be the one to run right to it. I've seen two strange aircraft near my home before. They both occurred at night. The first time, I followed it into a pasture, but then something told me to run away. I hesitated, but I ran away. The second time I chased it and chased it until it disappeared. I wish I would've continued to chase it though... I want to go home...
I don't feel human. I don't belong on this Earth. I don't know my purpose for being here, and I know I have one. But I want to find my purpose so I can leave as soon as possible. I want to go home. If anyone feels this way, I'm begging you to message me... I want to go home, I need to find my own kind..
Insanityynk 13-15, F 31 Responses 15 Dec 22, 2012