Not In The Loop

      I originally was invited to move to a new state with my daughter,son-in law, and their three kids. This happened after I took time off from my job
to go be with her when she had surgery for cancer. Thank God they got it all.  Then her and two of three kids came to my state to stay with me for
3 months.  The oldest son stayed down south with his dad.
     Then when my Son-in Law found a new house big enough for us all, I gave 2 weeks notice at my job.  I was told they would pay me, instead of
paying a daycare for the two youngest kids. Sounded good to me.  Gave up my 40 hour a week job, my apartment, my car, anf moved South. Even
at half what they payed daycare, they saved, I saved. Stayin with them, I didn't need much to live. right??? The "not much "turned into none! ! ! So
I took a part-time jpb in a deli.(store) The hours started to confllick with the time the kids got out of school, so I quit the deli job. It wasn't long before
the money trickled to 20.00 a month, Granted, they started buying food for my cat.  They have many animals.2 dogs 16 guinea pigs, and a rabbit.
Guess my cat's food doesn't make that big of a dent.?.  It's all good right? I don't watch the kids that often, and I do eat here, But Darn it  I'ds like to
buy my own deodorant and shampoo.
     I have been feeling left out of things for some time now.Ever since they started putting my oldest grandson in drivers training.  He just turned 16,
but he's had his own vehichle for 6 months....I don't !~!
O K  today is a GREAT EXAMPLE of out of the loop. Aparently we are having some big party  at our house TODAY ! ! ! Rented chairs and all. I ask
if there is anything I can do, My dayghter says,"I'm just getting a drink of water."  I quietly go back in my room,close the door, and turn my tv on. Glad I'm
overweight, going with dinner is a good thing ,{:~^ }

mamamouse mamamouse
56-60
2 Responses Jul 10, 2010

It seems if being paid to baby sit was part of the deal for you moving then you should be paid what they offered. That would upset me if I expected something and made a huge life change only for someone not to follow through. However the person who mentioned it sounded like you're missing your sense of independence seems correct.<br />
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It sounds like you switched places and now your the daughter. I've relied on having a lot of things paid for, since I have no income of my own. This means not getting exactly what you want with the money you have all the time, if you have a certain shampoo you like or like certain foods and you have no money then you have to settle for what they get instead. I guess in a way you could find humor in your situation, your daughter has lived and probably felt the same way your feeling now when she was a kid and had to settle for what you bought. It's hard not being able to live the way you would choose if you had the means. Maybe by having a conversation with your daughter you'll find a way to work things out. If not maybe you'll find a different job that doesn't conflict with the kids schedules.

As this has not turned out as promised, can you sit down with them and talk about your feelings? What I think you are missing is your sense of independence. You were invited to be a part of this family and certain things were expected on your part from them. As they have not followed through, you feel devalued. The only way your daughter and her family will know your feelings is to have a talk about this as your negative feelings will only grow over time. Pick a time when you gather your thoughts and go from there. I wish you success in this.