I Feel Like I Don't Belong Anywhere

That's the only way I can explain it. Now and then, I forget about feeling this way, but it always comes back. As I wrote about it yesterday: "I feel like I have one foot in reality." And the other foot? I'm not sure. I feel like I'm on the border.

If anyone reads this, they'll probably have no idea what I'm talking about. I sound crazy. Am I? Or is it the world that's crazy? It makes me feel nauseated sometimes.
ForestSong ForestSong
18-21, F
9 Responses Aug 11, 2010

So many people feel the same way... including me. I feel like i'll never fit in anywhere. I think nobody understands, but somebody does. And once you find somebody who feels the same way, you'll realize how precious you are to this world. Don't give up.

I guess your not alone.<br />
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I felt the same too, but maybe with a different situation. Maybe I am just immature. I don't wish to be pushed into the ugly society whereby someting a little unethical, a little hypocrite and a little selfish is ok. Where we must do what the society set as rules to stay in a job and earn that few pieces of coloured papers.<br />
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But I guess there are still times when we surrender (I am fightng it and it is hard), like when we see the pieces of colourd papers running out or when we loses friends and love due to it?

Facing a dark time in my life, I impatiently waited for death to take me into the next life. I'm only eighteen, but I am also highly imaginative. I abused my religion as a way to fantasize about Heaven, longing for the day I will be able to freely traverse in world of endless possibilities. I feel in love with characters in books, I felt more connected to worlds created in movies than this one. I could not standing before I meet them or go to those lovely worlds in my Heaven. <br />
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However, after that year passed - I grew a passion for art that was insatiable. Instead of thinking of wonderful places I'd visit when I'd finally died, I started drawing them. I couldn't stop, and the more intense I became with growing as an artist, the more connected I became with reality. My head still floats up in the clouds often, however I do not wish to leave this place anymore. I feel as though people who drift in this world, waiting for death, merely lack love. The cure to feeling alienated is to involve yourself in anything, a relationship with friends, learning a skill or a sport, becoming part of a group, anything. You can still have a fantastical imagination, but find a way to ground yourself before you fly away.

I have known these feelings for many years, perhaps all my life. You aren't crazy and you have many people who understand exactly what you are experiencing. If one has never felt this way, they probably do think we are just a touch off lol! It is real and it isn't a bad thing, it just is what it is. I have always felt that I don't belong here, have even said it out loud before. The sadness and loneliness we feel at times can be overwhelming, I have wept for people and places I have never known. My life here is full with family and friends whom I love very much, but, it isn't where I belong.I hope that someday, somehow, we will find our way back, till then, please know you aren't alone. Take care!

I know exactly how you feel and I feel that 'dakzer' wrote my life story. I love the poem and will copy, paste it so I can keep it. I've lived many more years than you have an I've felt that I don't belong all my life, however, now I tell myself that I'm my own person and love being different. Sometimes it helps. The times that it doesn't is when I'm with a group of people on a weekly basis and all the women are making plans for lunch or other social outing and I'm not included. It continues to happen about once a month. A few weeks ago I overheard that the "socials" were planning a day trip and didn't have enough people so I just pushed myself into the conversation and said I'd go which was fine and I was welcomed with my money. However, they never came up with enough people and it got canceled. My luck! So I continue to watch the "girls" put dates in their purse calenders for luch, etc. I wouldn't butt into their lunch dates becuase I've already been told by a certain person "those are my friends, not yours". I'm sure a few of the "girl" asked her if they should invite me but I know she told them close to the same thing. So I continue to be an outcast as much as I was as a child. I won't get into my childhood ... that's for another topic.

it's not you, it's the world. hugs.

Thank you for the comments. <br />
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"You can stand swathed by groups and mobs or hands with your partner, look both further and farther in the endless quest for company.<br />
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But no one is in your head. And by the time you translate your thoughts an essence of them maybe lost or perhaps it is just kept...<br />
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...It’s okay if no one believes like you, all experience is unique, no one has the same synapses, can’t think like you, for this be relived, keeps things interesting, life’s magic things in reach, and it doesn’t mean you aren’t connected, and the community is not present, just take the perspective you get from being one person in one head and feel the effects of it."<br />
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- an excerpt from the poem "How To Be Alone" by Tanya Davis. It makes me feel better to read that.<br />
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It is reassuring in a way to know that I'm not the only one. However, it is admittedly a small comfort at those times where I feel that we are all essentially alone and for the while cannot feel our connectedness.

Hey ForestSong, <br />
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I totally understand what you mean, and hope you take solace in knowing that you are not the only one who feels this way. For me I have struggled to fit in with my family or any social group whether it be at social functions or even at work with colleagues. I would say that I 'Struggle to fit in, and am constantly being misunderstood'. Don't get me wrong I enjoy peoples company, but my personality tends to lean towards doing things on my own. <br />
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I have been told that I am a really good listener and I think the reason why is that I always feel like the outsider in a group and so am very used to observing situations rather than being involved in them. Very rarely will I take sides in an argument, not because I'm afraid of confrontation, but because I tend to see good to both sides of a debate. This has always been the case, and a lot of the time, I am accused of sitting on the fence.<br />
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Just wanted to say that I've only been on this forum for a week, but I think this forum is excellent for helping people to air their issues and problems. Just like this one.

I do kind of understand I think, but the thing I can identify most with is feeling crazy about how I view the world.