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I Am Anti-human

Warning: This content is inappropriate for everyone.

I don't fit with other people. I have never met anyone who runs so contrary to everyone as much as I do. Losers have losers, nerds have nerds, monsters have monsters. They all have their groups, sharing experiences and feelings. I am a freak of nature, a whole different creature. My body, my appearance, my shell, is normal. But beneath this mask is a chasm of pure darkness, poison, despair, total chaos. I have a monstrous deformity of the soul, or perhaps I don't have a soul at all. I have no identity, no norms, no values, no morality, no passions, no desires, no fantasies, no thoughts, no sense of self: I am just filled with nothing. This void is a torrent that I always fight to climb out of. I am rotten to the core. Mind you, I am no degenerate. I don't hurt people, I don't take advantage of them, I don't betray them. I am idle. I've done nothing to deserve this. I don't want to hurt anyone or anything. I want to be peaceful. I abstain from harming living beings, even flies and mosquitos. But I think it's all a feeble attempt to lie to myself, to create an illusion of peace behind which I can hide my demon.

This demon, this darkness I feel, it's almost magical, timeless, as if in a past life I was a horrible, destructive person, and now I am being punished. Maybe I am an alien, or the devil himself. It's some horrible, twisted fate. I am damned to wander my own personal prison. There is something in me that transcends anything I do. No matter what I do, the darkness is always there, trying to pull me down. It emanates out from me to the outside world, through my pores, on some unknown, unseen strings of energy linking everything. The worst thing is, others can sense this. They intuitively know there is something wrong, something "off" with me. It's as if they have an automatic, instinctive response of repulsion to me built into their genes, a wisdom past down from their ancestors. I can sense this primordial disgust when I am around them. I can sense that the most important thing they know about me is that I am dark, dangerous, poisonous, and that I should be avoided at all costs. I can see it in their looks, in their bodily responses to me. If it were socially acceptable, they'd all gather in angry mobs with dogs and torches, and they'd round people like me up, they'd draw and quarter us, and they'd burn the remains and any associated memory. Try as I might, my efforts at fitting in, at being accepted, are all in vain. Everyone just ends up hating me. It's because I represent the complete antithesis of everything that defines humanity. I am pure negative energy, without even making a conscious effort of it. The truth is I am your opposite. I am that feeling you get when you're alone in the dark. If you become too acquainted with me and my darkness, you will be sucked in. Your mind will be clouded with my chaos. You will disappear, you will be canceled out, destroyed, forgotten. Inside you will find no thoughts, no passion, no life. I am a void, filled with anti-thoughts, anti-passion, anti-life. I am anti-human.
Antitype Antitype 18-21, M 4 Responses Aug 16, 2010

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I totally feel you! I wonder why we feel this way? I was hoping you had some wild idea as to why this is happening to us. Ive tried many things to try not to be anti human, but in the end like u say, i end up getting hated, and people sense that something is off. Ur right, it seems like darkness just emanates from us. I wouldnt hurt a fly either, but im sure tired of being anti human. Im tired of feeling like i dont belong here. I wish there was something i cud do about it. Im too scared to commit suicide. Well nehow, just wanted to let u know that i know exactly what ur saying.

At first the image that crossed my mind when you described yourself was a robot wearing human skin, but then as the text continued to swarm before my eyes, your form shifts into fear, then lastly into nightmare. A dark creature enshrouded in black. However, as I read on, I can't help but think that you might just want to change yourself? Or am I mistaken? Correct me if I am wrong.

wow that is poetic. i like it, but im like that. i like things dark and mysterious, i like toying with pain. but i have a soft side too. that is the side that shows most of the time. but i think you should start writing poetry. it would be good for you. dose it happen that you live in Sarasota fl? i don't think any one can be that bad, seriously. think better of yourself, do somthing you like, that your good at. be happy your life is short. smile, get a dog. get a girlfriend whatever. enjoy life!!!!! <br />
PS: you sound like a interesting person, id like to meet you!!!!!!!!!

Ahh...this post is refreshing...lol seriously, you're not all that bad....no matter how bad you think you are. I don't mind if you try to sway me to think otherwise..I'd probably do the same. The way you described yourself is how I feel sometimes, so, contrary to what you might think...I'd say there's something interesting, about you..mainly because you say that you should be avoided at all costs. Should you be having a bad day...well, I hope it gets better for ya!