This Isn't My Home.i love my friends here, really i do. they're beautiful and hilarious. they remind me of old times and good times.
i can't shake the feeling, though, that the old times were just times when i didn't know any better. now it's different, because i've been away. i know what else is out there now, and i know that there's more for me than this small town. i'm a city girl, and the bubble of this place doesn't suit me.
i never knew until last year when i moved away. i lived in a big city for a year, where they have college radio and people dye their hair and make their own clothing, where creativity is encouraged and weirdness is a state of mind. the city was full of creative, free-thinking people who were willing to do more than just go to school and do the same exact things every weekend. in the city people take advantage of their curfew, instead of just going home when they're tired. in the city, people question authority and do what makes them happy and are okay with breaking the rules.
it was beautiful, that year. i had to come back, though, and i feel misplaced. every person here is the same, and ideas are nothing more than what you contribute during an argument in history class. this place is full of people who think that school actually prepares you for life, and that laws and rules are sacred. i feel suffocated.
i really love love my friends. but i'm not sure if they or this town are ready for me. i'm not sure if i'm ready to spend another year here, trapped.