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It Hurts Me Deeply

I've always felt this way in every situation in my life. I'm always the odd-one-out, the third wheel, the outsider. The one you don't realize is there, the one you don't realize isn't there. Invisible. It hurts because I feel like no one even cares about me. I pretty much automatically assume now that people won't or don't like me. I feel like there is something wrong with me. Sometimes I feel so different, so separate from everyone else, almost as if I am a different species. I guess I find it hard to make friends; I'm a really shy person and it takes me awhile to warm up to others. I see everyone else laughing and having a good time, and it's hard for me to join in unless I really know the people. It's hard for me to jump right into situations, talk to people I don't know, and put myself out there because I really don't think that I'm good enough. I know this probably isn't true, but I feel like I'm unlovable at times. When I look at myself objectively, I know I'm not a bad person at all, but yet I still deeply fear that I won't be liked. So I don't take many risks. So it is my own fault that I don't belong, but I still feel powerless to prevent it sometimes.

flyingintherain flyingintherain 18-21, F 13 Responses Dec 22, 2008

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kdangelwings,

Wow, thank you so much for your comment- I appreciate the time you put into writing this. I think you're right about me locking myself away from others because I'm measuring myself to what I think others think of me. There was actually a time about a year ago when I started to feel confident and like I was on purpose. But I fell apart and went back to my old ways. I just need to pick myself back up. I will put all you said to good use. Thanks again, you made my day! :)

Writes2006,

Okay, I will try to start mixing with peole more. I know it's something I have to do. As soon as I get used to it, the fear will start to go away. Thanks for your comment. :)

You have to mix with people. At first, it might sound unpleasant to be told that but you will one day find out tha the solution was to start mixing with people.



Like Hektur said, find some common conversation topics that you like. Start small and move on from there. You'll see.

puck61,

Thanks for taking the time to bring me "Desiderada". It was quite inspiring and I think I will hang it up somewhere. :)

levin60kitty,

Thanks a lot for the encouragement. :) It's good to know I'm not the only one that feels this way sometimes.

winniebree,

You're completely right... you can't always be a hermit. I really want to change and I'm going to try my hardest.

hektur,

Thanks a lot for the encouragement and advice. You were very helpful. Thanks for believing in me. :)

write this down and put it on your mirror so you can read it every morning.



Desiderada







"Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,



and remember what peace there may be in silence.



As far as possible, without surrender,



be on good terms with all persons.



Speak your truth quietly and clearly;



and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant;



They too have their story.



Avoid loud and aggressive persons;



they are vexatious to the spirit.



If you compare yourself with others,



you may become vain or bitter,



for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.



Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.



Keep interested in your own career, however humble;



It is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.



Exercise caution in your business affairs,



for the world is full of trickery.



But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;



Many persons strive for high ideals,



and everywhere life is full of heroism.



Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.



Neither be cynical about love;



for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment



it is as perennial as the grass.



Take kindly the council of the years,



Gracefully surrendering the things of youth.



Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.



But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.



Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.



Beyond a healthy discipline,



Be gentle with yourself.



You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;



you have a right to be here,



and whether or not it is clear to you,



no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.



Therefore, be at peace with God,



Whatever you conceive Him to be.



And whatever your labors and aspirations,



in the noisy confusion of life,



keep peace in your soul.



With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,



it is still a beautiful world.



Be cheerful.



Strive to be happy."

Realize that the world is composed of lots and lots of people with lots and lots of problems. Whatever you do say, or anything else has already been done by someone so don't feel you are the only one who gets imbarassed or down. Just stand up and walk through the world with your head up high. It is hard at firstbut give it a try, just go do something that catches your eye And this warning - whatever you do in life, you will always have critics. Just say (in your mind) to the to **** offf. Good luck

Don't be afraid of getting out of your shell. I like being alone, but I enjoy meeting new people and talking with them. You can't alway lock yourself up and be a hermit.

well hello thar, new interweb buddy!



come sit down on this interbench, and light up an intercig (dont light up a real cig, after i started i found out that its apparently bad for you...)



sometimes i feel the same way, read my story... and also before i start i should say that you will always need others to rely on. but one thing i do when i feel like a ghost in the crowd is this: being a loner isnt always bad. sometimes i like to picture myself as some really badass dude, just walkin down teh street all alone and badass-like. the women want me, the men want to be me, because i am solely independant (in my fantasy world). as i keep going along in my fantastical daze, i get amazing inspiration to write about this fictional badass me, and i like to share it with other writers as a conversation starter.



find things you like to do! find others with the same interests! im sure even if youre a little bit shy, and if you have a thing for anime and you walk over to a crowd of anime-ish folk wearing a pokemon tshirt, somebody is bound to say something. "HEY! I LOVE POKEMON!"



BINGO, conversation starter.



or "pokemon? pokemon sux!"



stand your ground! dont let that bish be baggin on your show! and if things get a little to heated, try and change topic to one of their favorite animes, and if its something youre unfamiliar with, learn something new, go youtube it, form your own opinion, come back and talk about it. if its a shared interest in teh same show, try and make memorable quotes from it, but if its something you dont like either, step away from the argumentationness... you want to be competitive, not negative.



of course, anime is just an example. try the same process with something youre interested in.



you can do it! you ARE fully capable, and i know this because we are human, therefor we can. "man on the moon? HAH! youre crazy."



*NASA* bing! were human, try and tell us we cant do it and we'll do it just to prove you wrong. keep your chin up and you will make it.



take it easy, and dont beat yourself up over small stuff, kay?

Thank you very much flourlady111... it means a lot. If I ever feel the need, I'll come to you.

this is sad you have to belong somewhere. if you need to talk im here ok.