I Just Can't Find My Place Here.

I'm not very good at expressing myself, but I'll try.

The tears are rolling down my face as I write this.  Ever since I was young,  I 've found myself aloof from my peers.  I always played alone, was very timid and quiet.  I admit that I was picked on and laughed at, but I always thought that as I got older, as we all got older, there would be a more sophisticated way of dealing with each other.  I thought that people would accept and understand each other more readily.  I was wrong.  I found that people's attitudes were not much different from when they were younger.  We seem to live in a society that encourages and rewards greed, narcissism, ruthlessness and heartlessness.  I know that this can't possibly apply everywhere, but it seems to be prevalent around me.  

I don't know how to fit into this environment.  I like caring about people and being both sympathetic and empathetic.  I enjoy being intellectual and understanding towards others.  The world around me does not seem to be conducive to this.  I'm out of step with things and it leaves me lost.  I find myself not wanting to deal with the day to day politics of life.  

I'd like to leave but I don't know where to go or what to do.  

midnightsshadow midnightsshadow
36-40, M
4 Responses Sep 23, 2009

I used to feel that way, but then i realized how f-d up I was and started to realize that people were just really messed up and we all have no idea where we are going or what we are doing here. i'm not telling you that you should see things this way, it's just what happened to me. there are a lot of people that are really mean here, but there are quite a few that are nice too- cheers to you for being one of the nice ones ;-)

Thank you - all of you - for understanding and being so supportive.

ferndill almost got it "I found a friend who has taught me (by example) to accept everyone as they are"<br />
<br />
realize they're the ones whom need understanding and compassion, because to be civil depends on your interaction with them.<br />
you shine, their dull.<br />
They'll see you and wish they were better in some sort of way. <br />
They may not comprend what's wrong with there life and thats why they strike out...<br />
know and make peace with your enlightenment through the suffering and reflection you've experenced, for this makes you better and more compassionate towards others.

I share many similar feelings and have difficulty connecting.<br />
By chance, I found a friend who has taught me (by example) to accept everyone as they are. It's not easy and sometimes it does make sense to avoid people but you miss some wonderful people if you judge them by only their bad qualities. We all make mistakes and do or say stupid things because there is so much we don't understand.<br />
I took a class once called 'How to deal with difficult people'. I expected strategys for changing other peoples behaviour. Instead it was all about being aware of how I react...it changed the way I look at the world by helping me understand how the world sees me.<br />
A cat can be a great comfort too. Spend some time at the shelter finding one that likes to be held.