I Dont Belong In This Life Anymore

I am a 31 year old woman with three children. I split from my kids dad 3 years ago after 12 years of being together. At the time I was suffering severe depression and I still have it now. I have attempted suide three times and I just wish I would have suceeded on the last attempt. I know there will never be anyone else out there that will love me as I am too messed up. I hate life. I do not have any friends, I do not go out unless I have to, I have no soial life I know in my heart that there is no one else out there for me. I am just waiting for my kids to grow old enough to be independent of me then I will take my own life, I would say flush it down the toilet but I already feel like I live in the sewers of life. I hate life so much I wish I had never been born. I just do not belong in this life anymore and do not want to live like this for another 50 years.

furrytomato furrytomato
31-35, F
3 Responses Feb 21, 2010

Just out of curiosity did you not want to split from your husband? If you think he's the only one who would love you then is he someone you still want to be with? And if so why did it end?<br />
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Other than that, why do you feel like you need someone to love you again in life?

Have you sought professional help? I would strongly encourage you to, your children I'm sure love you and would not want you to take your life, now or in the future. Even if it's just for them, just for now, please consider getting help from professionals.

I can't say I understand your position because I am not you. But I acknowledge what you have wrote and the feelings these words express. Just remember your children if anything else...