I Feel Like I Grew Up Too Fast
"When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer." Psalm 94:19
I am writing this today for everyone reading this who deep down feels less than, who feels like they might not be somehow "eligible" for healing and blessings, who feel like God is there for other people and not for someone "like them." Growing up and even far into my womanhood I felt drawn to something out there, some power greater than myself but at the same time bitter towards that same being because I felt alone and unworthy of love. A broken man did something very broken to me as a small child and as a direct result of that betrayal I grew up with a victim mentality. I became a statistic, a victim, and then sadly, a victimizer as a result. I doubted that I was worthy of any love by God and to be honest, did not believe God to be a deity of love and compassion. I know with every fiber of my being that the words I am composing right now is filling some of the souls reading this with that old plethora of emotions and baggage that have haunted them for years on end. I know friend, I know you hurt. I know you are sad, angry, tired, and filled with doubt that God can be for you what He seems to be for some people who just seem to "have it all." I know you are tired of acting as if it doesn't matter but it does. I am sorry in a deeply profound way that you hurt. Because I deeply care I am taking time to address this issue from the standpoint of someone who WAS a victim but is now a VICTOR. I want to show you what worked to heal me because what I have been given is so profound, so beautiful that I would shout it from the rooftops if I wouldn't get arrested. And even then I still consider it! HAHA :)
The hope and healing I got was from God and his son, Jesus. Now before you tune me out I beg you to listen. First of all, God is not and never will be an institution or church. Yes, you can find a church that celebrates God's truth but God is about love and redemption, NOT a building. Yes, it is wise to fellowship with believers because we can find encouragement, knowledge, love, and support from God's fellow children. I personally find it helpful to have a place to grow. That being said I want to address the preconceived notions that I had of who I thought God was. I assumed that God was far off, removed, waiting eagerly to condemn me, and unloving. I WAS SO WRONG! The God I know today, through trial and error friends, trust me, is merciful, caring, loving, and RIGHT THERE AT ALL TIMES. Yes, he wants us to follow his commandments. They are there to keep us safe and serve as a compass to guide us but our loving Father is about so much more. He made a decision along with his Son to bridge the gap between themselves and us and save this broken world and the broken people within it. When I, when you, were still hopelessly lost they made the ULTIMATE sacrifice and took ALL of the sin and left us justified. They took me, a murderer, and adulteress, a junkie, a suicidal and homicidal mess and died for ME. Not only that, HEALED THE PAIN INSIDE ME THAT MADE ME WANT TO DIE!! He can, he WILL do that for you too, YES YOU. There is nothing, no pain on earth they He cannot heal in heaven! There is NO sin that you could ever have committed that will make you exempt from his love, mercy, and forgiveness! All you have to do is ask for his help, to take a chance. I know you are filled with doubt. I also know you want relief. "Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am YOUR God. I WILL strengthen you. I WILL help you." Yes you....
I am writing this today for everyone reading this who deep down feels less than, who feels like they might not be somehow "eligible" for healing and blessings, who feel like God is there for other people and not for someone "like them." Growing up and even far into my womanhood I felt drawn to something out there, some power greater than myself but at the same time bitter towards that same being because I felt alone and unworthy of love. A broken man did something very broken to me as a small child and as a direct result of that betrayal I grew up with a victim mentality. I became a statistic, a victim, and then sadly, a victimizer as a result. I doubted that I was worthy of any love by God and to be honest, did not believe God to be a deity of love and compassion. I know with every fiber of my being that the words I am composing right now is filling some of the souls reading this with that old plethora of emotions and baggage that have haunted them for years on end. I know friend, I know you hurt. I know you are sad, angry, tired, and filled with doubt that God can be for you what He seems to be for some people who just seem to "have it all." I know you are tired of acting as if it doesn't matter but it does. I am sorry in a deeply profound way that you hurt. Because I deeply care I am taking time to address this issue from the standpoint of someone who WAS a victim but is now a VICTOR. I want to show you what worked to heal me because what I have been given is so profound, so beautiful that I would shout it from the rooftops if I wouldn't get arrested. And even then I still consider it! HAHA :)
The hope and healing I got was from God and his son, Jesus. Now before you tune me out I beg you to listen. First of all, God is not and never will be an institution or church. Yes, you can find a church that celebrates God's truth but God is about love and redemption, NOT a building. Yes, it is wise to fellowship with believers because we can find encouragement, knowledge, love, and support from God's fellow children. I personally find it helpful to have a place to grow. That being said I want to address the preconceived notions that I had of who I thought God was. I assumed that God was far off, removed, waiting eagerly to condemn me, and unloving. I WAS SO WRONG! The God I know today, through trial and error friends, trust me, is merciful, caring, loving, and RIGHT THERE AT ALL TIMES. Yes, he wants us to follow his commandments. They are there to keep us safe and serve as a compass to guide us but our loving Father is about so much more. He made a decision along with his Son to bridge the gap between themselves and us and save this broken world and the broken people within it. When I, when you, were still hopelessly lost they made the ULTIMATE sacrifice and took ALL of the sin and left us justified. They took me, a murderer, and adulteress, a junkie, a suicidal and homicidal mess and died for ME. Not only that, HEALED THE PAIN INSIDE ME THAT MADE ME WANT TO DIE!! He can, he WILL do that for you too, YES YOU. There is nothing, no pain on earth they He cannot heal in heaven! There is NO sin that you could ever have committed that will make you exempt from his love, mercy, and forgiveness! All you have to do is ask for his help, to take a chance. I know you are filled with doubt. I also know you want relief. "Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am YOUR God. I WILL strengthen you. I WILL help you." Yes you....
By:
girl4god
Age:
36-40
,
Female
