Lost And Forgotten

I feel that not only have I lost myself, but I have also forgotten who I really am. I have always been a people pleaser, shy, a very obedient person, well-mannered, and a huge daydreamer! I have obviously been wanting to break away from the people-pleasing person that I was so that I could live a little without having the world on my shoulders...acceptance has always been a big thing for me too. Rejection is something that has hit me hard, since I was a child, that was one thing that really tore me up inside. I'd have a good friend, and not long later, it was almost as if that friendship never existed. Obedient because I never wanted to get into trouble and disappoint people. I have always been a very imaginative person as well. That's just a huge part of who I am!!! I still daydream a lot to this day!! However, I have separated myself from myself at some point in recent history and have lost the real me. I am full of fear, doubt, depression, and continuously degrading myself for the things that I feel I cannot change, but have never been a problem until now. I have the hardest time letting go of all my worry and fear and letting myself live. I used to be a very non-judgemental person, very accepting of most anyone that I met and very open-minded. Of course now, I'm so mad at myself and so frustrated and depressed that I can't seem to let go of anything. The obvious answer being learn to let go of the anger, frustration and depression, but of course, much easier said than done!!! I also have a horrible tendency to put way too much weight on my own shoulders, my expectations of myself are overwhelming and I never meet them, so, obviously I'm never happy with myself. I know it's all this that has caused me to lose myself and that's another reason that I hurt so much (and it does!!) I'm just not sure where to start and how to re-advent myself to a more plausible state of being. I know I'm making it harder than it has to be, but I'm not sure exactly how, ya know?! lol!! I suppose I'll figure it all out though...I usually do! : )
Mudd357 Mudd357
22-25, F
3 Responses Nov 27, 2010

Hello, I'm new to this but have learned much over the years. I used to act and feel very much like you. I still struggle some with people pleasing but no where near what I used to. There was a time I was trying to change my actual thinking because it was so negative, especially about myself. It took A LOT of effort to stop my mind and then choose something better to think about. What I found was that when I started to get happier from doing this I became VERY uncomfortable and wanted to run away from myself because it was so uncomfortable. Crazy... just being happy was so uncomfortable. I had to choose to either remain uncomfortable until it became comfortable or return to being unhappy and negative in thought all the time. I am happy to say I chose to be happy. <br />
Today my happiness or better yet joy is in tact most of the time and I treat others better too. I enjoy life even when things around me aren't what I want them to be. On this journey to find myself and learn skills I did not previously have I started a website to share what I have learned in hopes that others can also gain a better life. The site is: http://www.letsthinkhealthy.com/ I hope this has been encouraging and helpful to you.

guys am a lot like you..... and hopefully this isnt too late to help you out.......i started out a lot like what you guys felt and then one day i just decided its too much of self sympathising. I took a pen and wrote down all the points that i wanted to change and over the next 15 weeks....yes it took me so long....... i took one point and just stuck it out till i thought it was a part of me ..... my grades which were failing came back to me ...am now back up on my feet and i dont give a damn abt wht people feel abt me nemore..... moreover too feel better i started working out... something abt knowing tht i am actually someone whos good at something and believing in it helped me overcome all the fears of others judgin me truly the only one now judgin is me and is productive no longer pessimistic......

hey I know I cannot lesen ur agony or hlp u but al I can say is I m jst like u......... only thng diffrnt is due to this tendency I ended up failing. I failed my first sems at a very prestigious institute where students only dream of getting selected..............I ruined somthng soo important for my carrier.........All I can say is try to fight this weakness...my family is helping me maybe ur family,frnds may hlp u do so...............the path is difficult but we annot do without treading it.......