I Have Lost Myself

I used to be different. I didn't care what others think about me. I was happy yet very shy.
It seems that now every day I am becoming a different person- I don't smile and laugh that much- what makes me sad is that I don't smile at all some days.
I don't know what changed me and I cant tell when this happened. But it's been like this for over a year now and I feel that Im completley lost in my thoughts.
What makes me miserable is that- not only im runing my life now- im ruining the life of my parents and friends. I dont know who i am anymore. I don't talk to people who i love.
I have never had many friends. But i love those who i have. But now it seems that some of them don't know me anymore.
I hate that im jealous that someone is lucky but I am not. I should be happy about it.
Im not outgoing though i want to be. Sometimes i just sit in my room all day and do nothing. I want to make new friends, explore the world, learn new things. I usually say that to myself but thatts the end of it. I don't have the courage to start new things. Im afraid of everything new. I like to look in the past and see my mistakes and that meks me make new ones. I hate the person I am now. I dont know how to change and what to do.
brainstorm123 brainstorm123
18-21, F
2 Responses Dec 27, 2010

Get a hobby. Anything that you would like to do. If you can think of one in-particular then try a couple. It sounds like you have low self-esteem and this is seriously ******* up you confidence levels, which would cause the problems that you have stated so far. <br />
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Think about yourself for a few days/weeks (no longer then weeks) and if you could put pen to paper and brain-storm who you are! From the storm do 2 lists of good things and bad things (remember some bad things aren't bad just perceived wrongly). Look at this and think what sort of person you are from this and what sort of things that you might like. <br />
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In time you will get better but doing nothing will get you nowhere. But then saying that, don't be in any rush; take your time - you have the rest of your life to fully figure out who you are! All you're doing now is just getting yourself started. <br />
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Good luck and drop me an email if you want/ or not, whatever you feel like at the time...<br />
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Oh I remember feeling exactly the same way you do when I was your age, many years ago, <br />
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As a matter of fact, I remember feeling that wa a few years ago. Scary.<br />
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I don't think you are ruining anyone's life. But I do think, maybe, you could be suffering from depression. This is nothing you have done wrong. It is a chemical imbalance that can sometimes hurt us when we least expect it. <br />
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Find someone to talk to...even if it is me for starters. I am not a doctor, but a really good listener. You may have to consider seeing a doctor at some point, to get medication to balance your mood.<br />
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There are many people who feel like you do, so don't feel alone. Don 't deal with this alone. Let someone in who can just reach a hand out to pull you up.<br />
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