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I Lost Myself And My Happiness

Throughout most of my life I have usually been a generally happy person. Granted, I did go through some patches of depression in early high school, but by junior year I felt as though I had just outgrown it. I loved everything about life! I could appreciate and enjoy even the small things in life. Lately though, it hasn't been like that at all. I recently moved out for college and I feel like I'm struggling more than the people around me. Not only am I battling the typical homesickness, but I have lost all sense of how to make myself happy. Nothing puts a smile on my face anymore besides my own willpower to smile when I am around people. I have met wonderful people here I get good grades and I go to fun parties. Basically, I have everything I thought I wanted out of college. But for some reason I am in this viscious dark place in my life and I don't know what to do. I'm no longer inspired by the future. Why don't I see life like I did before? Why can't I seem to enjoy the small things... or anything for that matter anymore?
kms2011 kms2011 18-21, F 3 Responses Oct 12, 2011

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Lately I have been feeling very much the same way - like nothing is worth it. I have no desire to do things and often feel defeated when I try to pull myself together. There are moments of light, but a constant feeling of general malaise. The time that we are living in has a lot to do with how you are feeling - the economy and uncertain future you will face once out of college, the complete chaos with not only our government but those all over the world, the unbalance that exists between what we want and what we should have - greed, ignorance, and what media tells us to think, want, and believe. You don't see life like you did before because you were protected from it - your thought of the future likely went as far as next year. Now you are looking at the bigger picture and the world is going through radical changes - not only social changes, but actual changes. I'm sure by now you must have heard about the change in gravitational pull that our planet is experiencing - the whole 2012 thing. Although some go to extremes about the big day - it's simply a change which the Earth goes through every 26,000 years, and next year is the year....kinda cool/scary/exciting/or just interesting. I mention this because our solar system has an effect on us - just like the moon controls the tides we are also controlled by the energy pulling and pushing our planet. So if you feel that lately you are feeling more down/confused/emotional than usual perhaps it has to do with that energy. BUT you can pull yourself together - or rather - you have to...for you. Do some research online about our galaxy - it's so interesting. You'll see that nothing on this planet really matters if you stop and think about it - we are specs of dust hanging on a ball of fire suspended in the universe...CRAZY! and what do we think to do...stand on line to buy uggs cuz we gotta have 'em. It's easy to get caught up in the small minded world/city/village/campus we live in...but open your mind to different ways of thinking. My goal is to use this coming year to become more aware. Aware of what I want and why, aware of who I am and what I like and dislike about the way my mind works/how I think, aware of what I want out of life and where I would like to find myself and with whom, aware of moments and the people around me-their values/struggles....just conscious and aware. I use moments like these to remind myself...it's easy to get caught up and forget the small stuff. <br />
If none of this helped then just be aware that you have the luck and privilege of being in college, having a home to go to, getting good grades, meeting interesting people, and going to fun parties...real life can't offer much more than that all at once. Get out of the dark....just get out.

i'm sorry to hear that. it's deffinitaly hard to deal with. if you wanna talk, i'm more than willing to listen!

hey ....i am also suffering the same kind of stuff ..