Feeling So Lost, Alone, Unloved, Drowning....i'm Just Drowning Here.

I have battled depression my entire life, Mom was never great, always made me feel worthless and unlovable. Dad was never around, never stopped it. I shut them both out and cut communication almost 2 years ago. I felt better without them. But now, I just feel lost and I can't shake this drowning feeling. I started a small business over 3 years ago, but suffered a severely broken ankle last year that just won't heal. Medical bills have piled up, my credit is now shot, and my business is failing. I have recently started going back to church, and I feel God's presence usually, but today....I just feel like I'm falling apart. I hate myself, I am so disappointed in myself and where my life is. I feel like I can't breathe, I feel like my personal life just is not worth living any more. It's never easy, I always feel awful, I'm just sooooo tired and overwhelmed....I'd rather just drown than constantly feeling that I'm drowning.