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Feeling So Lost, Alone, Unloved, Drowning....i'm Just Drowning Here.

I have battled depression my entire life, Mom was never great, always made me feel worthless and unlovable. Dad was never around, never stopped it. I shut them both out and cut communication almost 2 years ago. I felt better without them. But now, I just feel lost and I can't shake this drowning feeling. I started a small business over 3 years ago, but suffered a severely broken ankle last year that just won't heal. Medical bills have piled up, my credit is now shot, and my business is failing. I have recently started going back to church, and I feel God's presence usually, but today....I just feel like I'm falling apart. I hate myself, I am so disappointed in myself and where my life is. I feel like I can't breathe, I feel like my personal life just is not worth living any more. It's never easy, I always feel awful, I'm just sooooo tired and overwhelmed....I'd rather just drown than constantly feeling that I'm drowning.
TearBottle TearBottle 26-30 2 Responses Nov 12, 2012

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I have received many thank yous for this posting. It's hard to believe that was posted almost a year ago. Since then, I have picked myself up little by little. I spend more time out doors, I have removed negative people from my life, I have learned to calm down and breathe, I have learned a little forgiveness (Still working on that one), I spend more time with my family, and so on. I got so tired of feeling weak, that I forced myself to be strong. No one will do it for you. I had had hopes of just someone saving me, hugging me, make me feel better. Yet it never came, and it never would until I saved myself. Telling myself every day, be strong, you can do this, you have to do this....calm down, let this one go, relax....breathe, focus, and work hard! You want that great guy, the man of your dreams??? Fix you, and go get him!!!! Same for a dream job, being closer to family, and so on. ANYONE can do it!!!! Just really depends on HOW BADLY YOU WANT IT! ; ) I don't know if this will actually help anyone....but look at where I was in November last year....and this year....whole different ball game. I have great friends, with amazing character, that truly care for me, I talk to my Mom now, I'm more financially stable, I don't feel lost or hopeless, I feel strong and happy. Sometimes tired, but only because I work crazy hours. Anyone can have this!!! There was no pill, no winning the lotto, no one saved me....i just decided i was fed up with my situation and my wining, and I went to work. Worked out more, made better choices, focused on goals (long term and short term), sucked it up and tried with my Mom, and so on. It' hard, don't get me wrong. If you relate to my post in November at all....I can tell you it is a hard, long road to pull yourself out of that....but that happiness on the other side....far exceeds any short term pain. You'll have ups and downs, but if you focus and work on yourself, you'll have more ups, than downs, and eventually it all gets easier. Putting on a beautiful smile for the day....gets so much easier!!! ; ) I am here....if anyone needs to vent or talk...I am here for anyone who needs. It's anonymous, I don't think it needs to be public....I'm just here. And I honestly don't want to see anyone hurting the way I was when I wrote that. If I can help in any way....just name it!

god bless you its how I feel you put into words about my life . thank you so much for what you have written .

I am so sorry for all you have been ivebeen threw the same thing ifeel unloved but its by my husband .he dosent reach out to me any more