Few People Even Care About A 62 Year Old Lost Woman.

Most everyone younger than me would be surprised that at my age, I am feeling lost. I recently was laid off and a friend of mine said "You didnt just lose your job, you lost yourself"

How true that is, but I have lost myself longer than the 9 months I have been unemployed. The job, giving me money and benefits, was also alot of fun to be a part of, but it also gave me a reason to get up, to be away from the tedious boredom of my home and life.

Yes, I am married. I was married for the first time at age 20. At age 38, I had an affair with my next door neighbor, and we basically tossed a bomb into our families lives and our small town neighborhood, and divorced and married each other. This was 23 years ago.

End of story.? Hardly.  I had a child he didnt want to have, we moved to a place I didnt want to move to, and then 12 years into the marriage, he was bought out at work, had a heart attack, stayed home and became depressed. And the wonderful marriage I thought we had slowly was chipped away.

Long story, shorter...today, the daughter is 21, my sons from first marriage long since married with families of their own.

Husband and I are friends, sharing seperate bedrooms, which pleases both of us. He sits on the couch, the house is literally falling apart. I have taken up drinking to wile away the nights and play game on the computer all day.

I hate who I have become..a sad, angry heavy woman who when her eyes open in the morning thinks "Crap, another day to try and fill' I was once a vibrant interesting woman. Now, I dont even clean the house.

And yes, I have gone to counselling, and I have taken antidepressants.. I just feel that there is nothing that lies ahead. When one becomes 62, what else is there to look forward to?  No more new loves, no more wonderful new homes to dream about, no more kids to raise, no job for most people my age.  I just excell at "Bubbletown" on MSN.

In my head, I am still age 30, wanting more than tending grandkids..wanting and needing excitement.

ricishay ricishay
61-65, F
3 Responses Feb 13, 2010

Hey there :) You are way greater than me in terms of age and experience but I just felt the need of expressing my personal opinion after reading this. With all due respect, these are my views:
Firstly, the problems you've faced, it's your choice as to how they affect you. You can either let them define you, destroy you or strengthen you.
And it's never too late to fix things. You shouldn't see age as a setback to dealing with problems, rather age should be considered an asset, considering the wisdom and experience that comes with it.
The first step you could take in setting your life right is to fix things with your husband. Never give up on your relationship because God chose your partner to be with you and he is with you for a reason so don't just see him as a friend.
Mend your relationship. Talk to him, and let him know that you're there for him. When you help others, help will come to you.
Not really my place to judge but by the activities you have chosen as stress relievers, you aren't really facing your problems, you're trying to divert your mind from them and wasting away your life (no offense intended)
Find a past time that you enjoy, gives you peace of mind, that consequently helps you think about your stressor and ways of dealing with it. I personally turn to writing.
But many arts can prove useful in the current situation.
And please, stop looking at life as a burden because there are so many people who would give anything to live as long as you have. Each day is a blessing and should be treated as one. Make the most of each day.
And again, you should look at age as an asset. Don't think there isn't much to look forward to in your 60s. Just don't look forward to anything. Live each second as it comes, how you would like.
And I would recommend surrounding yourself with other people who need someone to be there for them. Because that way, you'll be occupying yourself and if they have issues similar to yours, in the process of helping them out, you may find ways of effectively dealing with your problems.
Just remember, we are as happy as we choose to be :))

this story makes me sad. don´t let go of life just because you are aging. we are all aging and life changes. you can still create your life and enjoy it. and 62 isn´t very old, you could still have 20 or 30 years ahead of you, don´t just waste them!<br />
take care and I wish you the best

sounds corny, but here goes, its never 2 late 2 start over. 1 thing is i know personally that antidepresents dont work well while taking a depresent like alcohol. heres yer sign. ive been on dissability since 93 and am just now getting back into the work force. there were times over the years when ive felt really acomplished and whole. these times coincided with when i was active in social activities. ive volunteered for the boyscouts, churches and hospitals. its amazing what happens when we find others that have gone through or are going through the same things as ourselves. 2day i stay clear of worry and come 2 solutions instead of mulling over the same old problems. i hpe u find all that u seek. 2 read more from me go to: wisdomreleased.com