Selfish Fake Love

My mom is a drunk. I feel like she never really ever cared about me or my older brothers the way a mother should care. I am 16 weeks pregnant and I already have so much more love for this unborn fetus than my mom ever showed me (I feel). She never taught me anything. Everything I learned about being a women I learned in sex ed class. Everything I know about respect was self taught over the years through trial and error.

She never encouraged me to ''be everything I could be''. I never even heard motivating words like that till much later on in life. My whole childhood she spent at the bar. Different men, abusive violent relationships. I never met my father.

I feel like I never had a chance to just be a kid cause I was too busy worrying about my mom coming home bloody and bashed up from bar fights.. I feel like I'm not on the track I should have been on. I'm learning lessons much later than I should have. She resents me for learning how to be and adult so slowly. But what she doesn't realize is that if I had a better teacher I would have learned everything a lot easier.

She kicked me out of the house last night. I am staying with my amazing boyfriend. She flipped out and through a drunken temper tantrum over something so trivial. Last night I finally stood up to her. (I don't think anyone has before) I told her she needed to start counseling like I have started.

I started parenting counseling which I will soon start parenting classes. I will be starting anger management and addictions counseling as well. I know this type of thing will repeat itself if the cycle is not broken. She got really defensive and rude. She said clearly I will be a better mother and since she was on such a role of being ****** parent she wanted me to leave and to arrange a time for to come get my stuff.

It was a very hurtful experience. I think my being pregnant and my emotions didn't help a whole lot with how hurt I feel. I don't really know what to do. One part of me says forget her. I shouldn't have to put up with people hurting me like that and being too selfish to see the damage they are doing to a mother daughter relationship.

The other part of me saying but she is my mom. Should I try and help her see what she has done and get her the help that she needs so she can finally have healthy relationships with me and her kids? But she is so deep in denial. She is so sick that i don't think anything I can do will help. It will only make it worse.... I am extremely hurt.
ChocolatePickle ChocolatePickle
22-25, F
Sep 24, 2012