Girls Always Play With This Little Boy...

I don't know what it is about me that makes girls want to play with my feelings and hurt me, it's just that way. I recently had a breakup with an amazing girl that I was madly in love with. I thought I met the one, we shared the same values and both wanted the same things out of life. She wanted to elope and we were going to move in together. Then she stopped talking to me suddenly. I couldn't reach her in any way. Phone, e-mail, nothing. It crushed me. I cried like a little girl for weeks after. How could she just stop talking to me. I thought why would she tell me all those things and be that way with me just to stop it all at once? It's what hurts most, I didn't get to say goodbye and I still can't figure out what went wrong because everything seemed perfect. I didn't get a proper breakup out of her. The girl before that did something similar, except she *showed* me we were through and I was trying to save a dying relationship. At a social gathering she got drunk and sat on a guy and... lets leave it at that. The worst was probably the one who left me and shortly after starting dating a girl. I saw her again about a year after and she had died her naturally blonde hair, spent the whole time on the phone with her gf and I just didn't see anything I liked about her initially in that person anymore. She turned lesbian, that made me ask myself a lot of questions; how much did I have to do with this? Did she knew it all along? Did I make her realize it? Self-esteem killer that's for sure.

Did I feel played with by these girls? Yes, because they weren't honest with me or couldn't even TELL me it was over which still hurts. They all said similar things : "I could never end this relationship, if it ends it's because YOU end it" and so on. Those are just a few, but they really crushed me and make it harder for me to trust women. I never asked girls out, they always asked me and I liked them so it ended up being more serious and I wonder why they wouldn't show me their true colours to begin with instead of playing games with me like they constantly do.

I'm still hoping one day I will meet that one girl that makes it okay and really makes me happy... and STAYS. I'm still young, I have time but the wait is painful and killing me and I often cry at night :(
Gladtuknow Gladtuknow
18-21, M
May 15, 2012