I Can't Tell Weather I Am A Really Bad Girlfriend Or Just Very Paranoid.

I've been with my guy for about 4 years now. We met in high school and stayed with each other since. and of course for a relationship to last this long of course you hear about the Pros and cons of any relationship that will last for 4 years. But in the past I was a little immature to the relationship and so was he .. He had his past of Talking to other girls and kissing and other things i cannot say.. but there was about a million of Issues with him and other girls.. but i stayed.. I stayed because 1) I loved him, and i loved how we could always joke and be dorks together :) 2) he gave me his chihuahua to keep for he is old but he is his only dog he ever owned. It was either me or someone else who would get him from the pound. So I stepped in. there many reasons. and through the years i saw him Grow up. I saw he realized from some of his mistakes and he tried to put more effort into making me happy. And this is where I get confused.. My friends and family say they dont like him because of all the **** hes done.
"Same ****, different day." But this is where i get twisted thoughts.. My friends are trying to help me from what could happen and It gets stuck in my head about him that he may or may not start again.. Now little things.. Just any little things that may seem wrong quickly sets my mind off an alarm and i constantly think he's up to something Bad,Its gotten bad to the point where I called him one day and talked to him about something and it was kinda serious but not a big issue.. He said he was gonna go over to my place BUT he had to go to downtown real quick. I asked him why and he said for me not to worry about it.. I got a little weird about that but usually that what i said to joke before.. and I know i messed up real bad especially when my dad said something rude out loud to him on the phone.. blurting out something about spending my mans money for revenge. & my dad is that careless and rude.. of course i was stupid enough not to be around my dad.. Hes done that to my brother with his girlfriend... but the worst part is that my mans sister oeverheard my dad.. and i know .. It burned a bridge.. i felt horrible.. My boyfriend.. or should i say ex for now.. has done a lot for me.. and all i did was get mad at him for little things he'd say or joke about or even little things i accused him of doing.. but it also didnt help that when ever we were together id still feel as if .. i was paranoid.. or last fight was when i thought i saw him with another girl whom i thought was his ex.. but in reality he was working at his job.. he has 2 full time jobs and one of the barely has any phone signal .. so if i tried to get ahold of him it would be impossible.. but he said he couldnt handle it anymore and that he was tired of my accusations of him cheating or talking to another girl... he didnt even have time for doing anything like that. and he said he needs a break. and .. it caught me.. I felt like a *****.. i have tried to help myself but always end up pointing the finger at him. The same day he tries to get ahold of me saying he was drunk and i told him i missed him still regardless of the situation.. and he saw me that night. the first thing he said when he walked through my door was that he loved me.. and he held me.. I dont know if its me listening to my friend and imagining things but.. I dont wanna lose this relationship .. I want to keep him.. and change but its not easy.. I feel i should let go of the past.. cause its ******* up my present and future
An Ep User An EP User
Jan 9, 2013