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Why Can't I Run And Hide?

I can't stand it when my family or boyfriend say to me "smile" or "what's wrong". Sometime I feel like I want to lock myself in a room and throw away the key so what if i'm feeling down so what if i'm not talking maybe i'm not talking because I have something on my mind and i don't want to showcase my emotions to everyone because then they're not mine anymore and everyone has intruded on my emotions and is feeling sorry for me.
Luckily I have never had full blown depression a lot of my family members have had it in fact my grandad is bipolar and had manic depression for years. I have good days and bad days but my bad days are really bad and my family can tell on these days that I need to be left alone and have time to heal.
I have never had medication for feeling down and I never want to I think people become so hooked although medication is a good thing and to be truthful my mum had postnatal depression and she has used this against me for a number of years everything that goes wrong is because she 'has too much going on' well not being funny but my dad has depression and he has raised me basically on my own since I was three when my mum was never there infact he had to pay her money to have me for the weekend and she would always wait until friday afternoon to text me and say sorry can't have you this weekend and I would cry and this would make my dad angry- I never want to turn out like my mum.
In a way feeling low has brought me and my dad closer because I understand how he is feeling and have huge respect for him not only as a dad but as a person.
strawberrycherry strawberrycherry 18-21, F May 29, 2012

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